Pleased to meet you... again

Thirty-two

"Xander?" The blonde knew it was them but was confused to see them here.

Xander swallowed hard, they took the blonde in, those amazing sapphire eyes, her beautiful face, those lips that she mourned the touch of. Their heart squeezed as they were standing face to face with the love of their  life, standing inches away from the woman they compared every other too, the woman who they weren't good enough for.

"Sorry I have to go, excuse me." The brunette  jogged away from the complex after they got through the gate. A few streets along they stopped running and hunkered down on a patch of grass. And ran their hands over their face. Casey Hollinger or was it Johnson. They didn't know what to do. They had so many questions, so much they wanted to say but just looking at the blonde again opened up so many buried feelings. Maybe closure would help they considered, maybe... they shook their head as they considered the cut off thought. Accepting that just because they've thought about the blonde everyday for the last almost eight years. Doesn't mean they would have considered them once. Xander concluded by replaying the realization that they meant nothing. That Casey had not even deemed them worthy of a goodbye. That was when the tears started to well.

——-

Casey entered her house flustered from the encounter. Lindy greeted her.

"You alright dear?" The nanny asked.

"Yeah I just run into someone from my past that I never expected to see again." She shook her head.

"Mommy!"

"Hey kiddo, you had a good day?" The blonde slipped on her 'everything is normal mask' for her daughter.

"Yes. Guess what?"

"What sweetheart?"

"Hurricane Hopkins is going to come speak to the team at school."

It clicked into place the new neighbor her daughter had been playing soccer with. "Is that who you've been playing soccer with?"

"Yes. She's been showing me some tricks. Says I'm a good player."

Casey smiled momentarily, that is what life should've been. Xander would have been a great parent. She felt sad. "Excuse me a moment honey. I just need to go to the bathroom."

Casey sat on the edge of the bath as the tears started; they were of pain and loss, they were of guilt. She wept as quietly as she could despite her wanting to wail away the pain she felt right now. Xander was her person. Xander should have been her life. She cried the memories that they should've made. The love they should have had. You had no choice, she told herself, Xander wouldn't be who they are now if you had tied them down with a baby and no home, no money.

Maybe if they could understand I did what I did out of love. Casey tried to convince herself that she'd done the right thing, like she had done for years. She'd always hoped that maybe they'd get another chance that they'd run into them again. It was their birthdays tomorrow.

"Casey dear are you alright, I'm going to lift supper."

"Yes." Casey's voice was shaky, "I'll be right out."

——

"What's up with you?" Ally asked as Xander finally turned up at the restaurant.

"Ran into Casey." They knew that their sister who had recently been diagnosed with Autism wouldn't really grasp the significance of this.

"What the girl you brought home for Christmas that time. Surely you run into exs all the time."

The statement was kind of true. "Yeah but Casey was different."

"Okay. Sorry you're hurting but we've only got the table for the next 90 minutes. And you're late."

"Sorry I am late."

"Yeah. Let's just get some food."

Xander was happy that her sister was not the type to probe. And that the evening would go through the usual questions and routine.

They ordered the usual from the menu and sat and spoke about nothing much in particular. Alison spoke at length about her new project at work in terms that Xander basically didn't understand. Xander spoke about starting training with their new club and that they wanted to find somewhere else to live and soon as possible. By the end of the evening Alison's husband picked them both up and dropped the soccer player back at the complex. They hoped that they wouldn't run into Casey.

They were extra vigilant as they walked through the courtyard there didn't seem to be anyone about, but as they reached their apartment they saw the blonde sitting on the wooden bench outside their door. They turned to leave.

"Xan, please don't go. I think we should talk at least." Casey pleaded.

"I don't know what I can say to you that's not going to hurt and stupidly I still don't want to hurt you."

"You're probably not going to believe me but I never wanted to hurt you."

"You're right I'm not gonna believe that." They took the key out of the pocket and unlocked their door. "I'm not ready to hear what you have to say. I didn't expect to ever see you again so I'm still processing you being here. Good night Casey." Xander entered the flat, closed the door and slid down at the back of it while they cried.

They checked thier phone to see what time it was in London. It was almost 6am they decided to call anyway they needed to talk to Ainsley she was the only person who would understand.

Ashley groggily answered the phone. "Ains babe it's your stalker."

They heard Ainsley laugh before she spoke, "Xan do you have any idea what time it is?"

"About 7am?"

"Try bearer five. You okay?"

"Guess who's living in the apartment up from me?"

"No idea, it's too early for this have you been drinking?"

"Casey Hollinger and no I've not been drinking. I'm just trying to process and I can't get the whole thing out of my head."

————

"Juls" Casey said down the phone to her cousin. "Xander is here."

"What? With you now?"

"No in the apartment along the way. They look like they always did. I tried to talk to them. They told me to go away."

"What did you expect from them to welcome you with open arms."

"No but I thought maybe I could explain."

"You still think about them that way?"

"I've never stopped missing them, you know what I felt, Juls. I saw them today and I felt like I did when I saw them for the first time. They couldn't even look at me."

"Try talk to them again."

"Maybe."

——-

The following afternoon Xander was greeted by their young soccer playing friend in the courtyard with a Happy Birthday balloon. It was the first time in a long time anyone outside their family had acknowledged their birthday. They put their backpack over their shoulder and smiled at Dawn.

"How did you know? Thank you."

"Sorry this is for my mommy, I'm just waiting here to surprise her."

That's when it clicked, Dawn was Casey's kid.

"I'm sure she'll love it."

"I can play with you tomorrow."

"I'm a bit busy tomorrow."

"Well maybe the next day?"

"No, I think maybe you should just play soccer with folks your own age." Xander gulped. "And eh I'm not sure I'll  make it along the school thing."

"You don't want to play with me anymore?"

"No." Xander walked away quickly and wiped tears from their eyes. They could hear Dawn crying, but they couldn't. In another life they might have been the girl's parent. They knew they would have to like that, to be a family.