Thirty-three

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There was a loud rattle on the door. Xander shook themselves awake. They had fallen into a drunken stopper on the sofa. They didn't normally drink. But after upsetting a seven year old and feeling sorry for themselves they opened a bottle of bourbon and drank three quarters of the contents in little under an hour. They felt queasy as they stood up. The door was still rattling. It was dark in the apartment, and the soccer player had no concept of time. They checked their cell, it was  just after 930pm.

They wandered over to the door and opened it to an angry looking Casey.

"She a kid Xan! She doesn't get that I fucked you over all she thinks it that there is another adult in her life that thinks she's a bother and wants nothing to do with her!" Casey was shouting.

"Happy Birthday to you too." Xander walked into the house leaving the door open.

Casey followed, she looked around the apartment. There were still boxes everywhere. Some empty Ramen cups sat on a table next to a leather couch which the brunette was obviously sleeping on. There was a bottle of JDs sitting next to the sofa.  "Shit Xan,  this place is a pigsty."

"Yeah sorry about the mess." The soccer player moved an old dusty box from the chair opposite the sofa.

Casey looked at the box 'Trophies and shit'.

"I don't put them out. I know I've got them." Xander sat on the sofa. "Look I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset Dawn. I feel awful. I just didn't think. I didn't know she was your kid until this afternoon, I stupidly thought someone remembered my birthday. Then it was for her mom and it all fell into place that she was yours. It still hurts, you know. You probably don't know." The brunette lifted the bottle of whisky at their feet.

"I don't think you need any more to drink." The blonde said.

Xander screwed the lid back on the bottle and sat it back down. "No. I usually don't. I just... I... Case, what did I do that was so wrong?" The soccer player's voices broke and they started to cry.

The blonde looked about the room again, trying not to cry themselves.

"I loved you. I thought you loved me." The brunette shook their head and looked at the floor.
"I'll sort it with Dawn, why did you give her my name?"

"I think it might be better to talk about everything when you're sober." Casey stood up. As she did she knocked Xander's wallet off the arm rest. Scattering some of the contents. She knelt down to collect the items. Putting them back in the wallet she noticed that Xan had kept their photo all this time. The edges were dog eared and it was marked round the sides with years of fingerprints. She looked over at the brunette who was lying back down on the sofa trying to hide their face. "Xander, I am so sorry."

She put the wallet back on the arm rest and looked at the brunette. She realized the impact her decision had on Xander's life as well as her own she'd never found anyone quite like the soccer player, after her marriage finally ended she'd tried dating with a few different women and while it felt good to be with someone it never felt close to what she had with the person she stood looking at for a second.

She had always wondered if she'd did the right thing and as she followed the brunette's career she would convince herself that she did and that Xander would never have had the opportunities they did if she'd tied them into bringing up a baby. But she knew now that while the soccer player had all the success in the world, she'd ruined them. They didn't have anyone personal, not a birthday card or anything personal from anyone to show they were important as a person. She wiped the tears from her eyes while she walked back to her own apartment.

It wouldn't be long before she saw the soccer player again. There was a knock at the door the following afternoon.

"Sorry. I thought you'd be at work." The brunette said.

"No admin day." Casey smiled.

"Is Dawn home?"

"Yeah."

"I just wanted to apologize about yesterday. I brought her a few things from the team to say sorry. I guess I should apologize to you in advance. Part of it is tickets for the game next week. I know you hate soccer."

"I don't hate soccer. Anyway I would have no choice if I did. She is crazy about it." Casey smiled, "just like you."

"Yeah." Xander tried to smile but it was lost in the gulp of pain that they tried to bury.

"Xan, I think we should talk." Casey said again.

Xander nodded. Closure would be good. That's what Ainsley had advised.

"Dawn, you have a visitor."

The small blonde girl came bounding through to the and spotted Xander and quickly held on to her moms waist almost hiding behind Casey.

"I'm sorry Dawn I was grumpy yesterday and I was mean to you and I shouldn't have been."

The girl was listening.

"I brought you a few things to say sorry."

The girl moved closer and Xander crouched down so they were the same height. "So I didn't know what number you played but you said you were seven right so I put your age on the back." The soccer star held out a Galaxy shirt with Hollinger and 7 on the back.

Dawn smiled.

"So I am guessing your a galaxy fan." Xander smiled.

Casey watched, there it was the famous almost lip sided grin with those dimples. Dawn turned to her mom. "Look. It's got my name on it and everything."

"Yeah and when I told the team what a grump I'd been they all thought that they should help me apologize so," the brunette brought a ball from their bag it had lots of signatures on it, "all the gals signed it."

"Wow look mom!" Dawn's eyes lit up.

"And one more gift which is not to really say sorry but thank you for helping me settle into my new place and playing some soccer with me. I have some tickets for next week's game. I have four so you can bring a friend and your mom can take a friend too."

"My mom doesn't have any special friends." Dawn said.

Casey reddened and Xander looked up at her from their crouched position. The soccer player stood up. "Well you can bring whoever you want. They are special seats near the tunnel so I might be able to see you when I start my first game."

Dawn smiled and handed her mom the envelope.

"I have one other question to ask, if it's alright with your mom do you want to come have a kick about with me."

"Mom" Dawn whined.

"Yeah that's fine but just until dinner is ready."

"Okay I'll go get my ball, I'm keeping this one good." The blonde girl ran through to their room. Leaving the two women standing either side of the doorway.

"Thank you, you didn't have to do all that."

"Yeah I did. I didn't mean to upset her. I'm sorry to you too for doing that and I'm sorry if I said anything I shouldn't last night."

"Okay hurricane let's go." Dawn appeared with her ball and her new soccer shirt over her other t-shirt.

Casey watched the pair playing in the courtyard, there weren't many kids Dawn's age in the gated community and she'd always seemed like such a lonely kid. But as she heard her laughing and shouting for the ball she smiled. This is what it should have been. She shook her head a moment. At least Xander had agreed to them talking. She stood a moment longer at the window watching, remembering how the soccer player could make her laugh like that, how they had some much fun together. Her thoughts soon turned to all of the other things Xander would make her feel and she found her body tingling at the memory of the soccer player's touch.

She knew she wanted Xander back. She just hoped the soccer player felt the same.

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