Forty-Five

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Casey slammed the break on and jumped out of the car at the appartment lot. She beeped the key to lock the vehicle as she started walking at pace towards the Xander's by passing her own house as she did.

After rushing to the soccer players home she stopped and caught her breath while she considered for about the one hundredth time what she was going to say. She knew she should've let the brunette explain almost a month ago, she hoped that they missed her as much as she missed them.

She knocked on the door. There was no sound from inside but she tried again anyway, knocking louder. Still nothing. She spotted Dawn coming round from the courtyard.

"They've gone to New York." Dawn looked sheepish.

"Have you been speaking to them?"

Her daughter looked up quietly.

"I'm not going to be mad. Just tell me what she said."

"That I didn't do anything wrong but that they had and that's why they don't play with me anymore."

Casey felt her heart heavy. "Xander didn't do anything wrong honey. I got angry about something I thought they had done and didn't listen to them. What are they doing in New York?"

"It's the quarter finals of the interstate cup. Plus you always say talk to me, it's the only way to sort things."

The mom nodded. Her daughter was right. She knew she'd caused so much heart break for all of them by not talking.

"I'm going to try and fix it. You're right I should have talked to Xander, I'm going to try to talk to them now, okay." She went back to her own place where Lindy was making dinner. She said hello to the nanny housekeeper before heading through to her bedroom and trying Xander's phone.

No answer. Maybe they're flying, she tried Juls.

"Where's Geri away to this weekend?"

"Hello to you too."

"Juls. I need to catch Xander. Please."

"They are playing Gotham FC."

"I thought you guys were through."

"I fucked up superbly. I got it all wrong."

"You definitely did, babe. They're flying out to Manchester after the game. Looking for a place to live until the end of the season."

"What?"

"Yeah Geri said that they're broken and just want to go back to Europe."

"No. No this can't be happening. Fuck!"

"Hey calm down."

Casey was sobbing. "I've lost them again. Why do I make such mess of things."

"You could always go to the game."

"Yeah because they're going to spot me in the crowd."

"You tried their phone?"

"Yeah it's going to voicemail. Assumed they are flying at the moment."

"No flight doesn't leave till seven, Get's just off the phone. Try them again. If you don't get them, call me back."

Casey hung up the phone and quickly dialed the soccer player's number. The result was the same as the last time.

She called her cousin back. "No still voicemail."

"Look, I'll try Ger for you. See if she can get Xander on the phone for you. Two minutes okay I'll ring you back."

Casey sat on the edge of their bed, looking around the room. She thought about the times Xander had shared on this bed. Not just the sex which she was missing but more so the way she felt when Xander held her, when she'd wake up before the brunette and lie and watch them sleep, they were gorgeous. She missed them, she gulped hard as she thought about how she had messed things up. History had shaped her to expect the worst from people- even the best of them. She knew she should have let Xander explain. She shook her head as the tears started to fall again.

Her mobile buzzed. Juls.

"Yeah they are just about to get on the plane. Xander's phone is off. She said that they don't ever really have it on. Ger also said that Xan is heading to the UK after the game direct for New York."

"What and they aren't coming back?"

"No. They have arranged for the appartment to be cleared out and their stuff to be moved into storage."

"Fuck Juls, I can't lose them again, I can't wait another eight years to maybe see them." Casey sobbed.

" Look, why don't I take Dawn for a few days. They are playing tomorrow night. So you will have time to get a flight."

"I would have to try to get time off work, I can't just get up and go."

"Tell them you're sick. You're never off work. They're not going to question it."

Casey sat for a moment, "yeah. I need to talk to them, did Ger say where they were staying?"

The blonde got the details from her cousin and agreed that she'd be dropping Dawn in for a sleepover. It was Thursday tomorrow which was her work from home, so she just really needed to lie about Friday. Then she'd be home, with Xander by her side she hoped by the weekend. It was Christmas at the end of next week. They really are the only gift I want. Cassie thought about their first Christmas together. The mistletoe, their first time in front of the fire, how loving and tender it was while she packed a hold-all for a few days.

She wished she could go back there into that moment and change everything since. She wished she could go back to last month and take back everything horrible she had said. Maybe Xander won't want to know. She lifted her bag and explained to Lydia that she was going for a few days and that Dawn was you to stay with Julie.

The hours disappeared and before she knew it she was boarding a plane bound for Newark, New Jersey. She'd called ahead at the airport and secured a room booking at the same hotel as the galaxy team. She'd also bought tickets for the semi final. But short of stalking the bus she knew Xander wouldn't be able to pick her out in the crowd.

The flight would take a little over five hours. She decided to get some sleep. It would be about 1am before she'd make it to the hotel. While she slept she dreamed of Xander in a different time. They were a warrior or knight or something, they looked handsome in the armor bearing the crest of the Royal Stuart. They stood in a castle in Scotland near the sea. Casey was singing. Her voice lowly humming out a melody. Even in her dream Casey knew she'd heard the tune before. She awoke just before the Captain put on the fasten seatbelt sign with a searing pain in her ankle. Cassie's broken leg she smiled to herself as the Captain announced that it was snowing in New York City and the local time was 1245am.

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