august

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Margos POV

My mom wasn't the happiest person when she realized I had skipped school. She didn't even notice until the end of August. My senior year would've started about a month ago. I couldn't go. I couldn't start my life back to normal as if everything was okay. I was alone and depressed. I didn't have Billy anymore. No matter what I did, I couldn't get over that fact. School won't be the same without him. Nothing has been the same. Not sleep, my room, or even breathing. It would have been our senior year together. Our last fall, winter and spring. We almost had our last summer together but instead it was just his last summer. I thought back to when I yelled at his grave.

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Flashback
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"We were supposed to graduate together and go to California! What am I going to do without you? Who am I without you?" I was a mess. A stupid, complete and absolute wreck. Sobbing and hyperventilating.

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Who am I to yell at a dead person? I felt ridiculous. I was just overwhelmed and upset. I wasn't myself and I haven't been. Sometimes I swear I lose myself more at random times. A piece of me died with Billy. There's times when I can't sleep for what feels like forever. I'll end up falling asleep on accident. That's my body forcing me to. Then, there's nights where I'm terrified to close my eyes. I have found myself falling asleep in Billy's car. Yeah, Susan gave me his keys and said the car is now mine. Neil left everything but Susan found papers and was able to move the cars name into mine. I had enough money to purchase my own car but I didn't need to. So I decided to use that money to fix his car. After the many issues that occurred while he was flayed, it needed help. I actually wanted to. For Billy, not me. I haven't even driven it. I made one of the guys who fixed the car to make sure it drove well. I can't drive Billy's car, I won't. It would feel wrong to drive his car, he'd never let anyone drive his car. I have been in it though, like I said. It still radiates with his scent, which makes me feel closer to him. Sometimes I'll even play his loud music to interfere with my mind. But back to school, I still can't go, not yet.

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