Sea of Stars 별바다

Chapter 22

It's been a few days since the incident happened. Bada's been taking care of me to the best of her abilities and I appreciate her so much. Ever since that day, I haven't been myself. Like I just physically cannot function like I used to. I stay in bed all day and I hardly eat. There was a point where Bada had to physically feed me one day because I had gone almost two days without eating a proper meal. For some reason I just couldn't bring myself to eat well, I felt sick to my stomach and just couldn't have anything in my system. 

I was also put off after my little "Ted Talk" with Bada the night I got here. I told her everything there was to know about me, my deepest and darkest secrets were exposed and I didn't know how to function with it being out in the open like that. Of course, I trust Bada with my life and I know she would never judge me, but I can't help but feel like she sees me differently now. Every time we talk or have a conversation, she talks around me like she's walking on eggshells and choosing her words correctly. I don't know, it makes me feel a bit pathetic after being so vulnerable with her and somehow I feel naked in her presence after spilling the beans. 

Today is the day Bada and I go to the police. Although I have been dreading this moment, I know I need to do this for my sanity. Knowing Haneul is still out here scares the crap out of me and it makes me scared for any other women who are unlucky enough to encounter his wrath. It took a lot of convincing from Bada but I finally broke through and went with it even though I was scared of what was to come. 

Of course, me retaliating against Haneul will make him furious. He's gonna want to expose my past and try to bring me down but I have gotten to a point in my life where I am sick and tired of people dictating me and my life. I don't want him to have any leverage over me anymore and if airing out my history is what it takes to keep my mental state from collapsing from all the mental abuse and gaslighting he put me through, then so be it. 

Me and Bada were getting ready to head to the police station. I was at the sink in the bathroom putting on a light coat of makeup but I was spacing out from all the thoughts running through my mind. 

"Hey," Bada said tapping on my shoulder, bringing me out of my inner trance. 

"It's okay to be scared love, I understand how tough this is for you but trust me when I say he deserves much worse than this. You're doing him a favor by going to the police because if it were up to me I would've got some people to handle this," she said in a serious tone. I chuckled a little at the thought of how serious she was when she said she had "people to handle this". 

"And what people might you know to handle this?" I said with a cocked eyebrow and a slight smirk. She giggled.

"Uhhh I know people who know some people. The bottom line is this is Disneyland compared to what I wanted to do to him," she said with a pout as she puckered her lips out and huffed. I couldn't help but laugh a little at the thought of her hiring some people to beat Haneul up, not that I wouldn't be opposed to it. 

"I know he deserves worse but we need to handle things legally. Plus, I'm just glad you're gonna be there with me especially since I have to tell the story over again to them." I said with a sigh. I hated how I felt when I said all of what happened between Haneul and me out loud. It was like I was in denial sometimes but saying it out loud was a reminder and reality check of how fucked up my life really is. 

I sat back up and took a deep breath in and stared at my reflection in the mirror ready to give myself a pep talk. 

"Ok Luna, this is for the sake of your life and other women out there who Haneul could eventually hurt. Putting him behind bars will do justice for me and so many others. This is a good thing you're doing so perk up bestie. Get out there and kick ass!" I said pumping my fist in the air trying to hype myself up. Bada stood behind me watching the entire thing with a wide smile on her face. Although this was hard for me, that pep talk was a step in the right direction and I knew Bada was proud of my progress. But hey if I fake it til I make it, then maybe I will start feeling better.