"we will struggle
not the way people do
and you will hurt me
but not the way everyone else can
and you will love me
harder than anything I've ever known
and I will need you
it will be strong and terrifying
and I will listen
even if it's the sadde...
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Chris March 15th, 2010 Los Angeles, California
"No, I'm not an angel either But at least I'm trying I know I drive you crazy But you would rather that I be a machine Who doesn't notice when you late or when you lying? I love you even more Than who I thought you were before Cause you're no angel either, baby"
"Why you never bring me to New York with you?"
My eyes was low, but I had them open enough to turn and look at Maya. I ain't mean to, but I started laughing. She ain't say shit funny but I'm high as a kite right now and the serious ass look on her face was amusing to me.
"What you mean?" I licked my lips, leaning my head on the back of the couch.
"Nigga. What you mean, what I mean? You always running off to the East Coast every month but you don't ever invite me."
"Running off? That's crazy." I laughed again, shaking my head at her. I been fucking with Maya for like three months now or some shit. The first night we linked, she invited me to her crib and I hit that night. She had good pussy and the head was cool too, I guess that's part of what kept me coming back to her. But I kinda like her too. I don't usually lay up and cuddle and actually hang out with women once the sex is over. I don't even be tryna give nobody the wrong idea about me. I ain't looking for no relationship...all that shit is on pause for me right now. But Maya was different. After our third or fourth link, I found myself in her crib for like three hours watching TV and vibing to music. And I was actually enjoying her company. She had me breaking all kinda rules I had...but I couldn't help it. "You like New York?"
"Yeah, I like New York. I might like it more with you though." She smirked like a little devil, throwing her leg over my body and sitting on my lap. She held the small glass tray in her hands up closer to my face, and I leaned forward to inhale the line of fine, soft white powder through the rolled up $20 bill and into my nostril, holding the other one closed with my index finger. The high was almost immediate, and I squeezed my eyes shut for a second before I relaxed again, passing the bill back to her and watching her do the same as me. "So you'll take me next time, right?"
"Take you where?"
"New Yorkkkk." She whined, rolling her eyes at me again.
"Oh...yeah I got you." I'm lying through my damn teeth. I ain't stupid enough to bring another girl to New York and be running around anywhere it might get back to Nae. She crazy, and if I had some bitch right in her backyard she'd burn the whole city down to get to me.
I don't know why L.A. felt like another world...like I could do whatever I want out here. Like another life or something. I ain't the same person when I'm with Nae as I am when I'm here. Being with her and Jun' felt like landing on Earth, it felt real. The past and the future was clear when I was with them. But out here I was always living in the moment. I ain't stop and think about doing anything I wanted because whatever choices I made didn't exist past that exact moment in time. Every day went by in a blink...and then it was gone.
