"we will struggle
not the way people do
and you will hurt me
but not the way everyone else can
and you will love me
harder than anything I've ever known
and I will need you
it will be strong and terrifying
and I will listen
even if it's the sadde...
A/N: There's a reason this phase of the book is called "the storm." They're going to start to deal with real, life altering issues bigger than their little relationship drama. It won't all be sad but it'll be real 🫶🏾
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Naomi
"I got something to tell you But don't know how Imma say it I guess that I could only say one thing Girl, I been bad again Cause with this money comes problems And with these problems come solutions And I use 'em When I'm faded I forget Forget what you mean to me Hope you know what you mean to me"
"Getting his nasty ass yellow dick sucked. I'm still stuck on that shit."
Kenya grimaced, moving around her kitchen the next morning, her house slippers scratching against the tiled floor with each step she took. I sunk down lower in the black leather bar stool I was sitting in, just watching as the pancake batter she'd just poured started to bubble in the pan over the low fire. I didn't need a mirror to know that I looked exactly how I felt— drained. I could feel my face sinking downward.
Last night, after I talked Chris down from his angry, crazy ass spiral, I got him in his bed. At first he was chatty and apologetic, clinging to me like a big baby, but he eventually passed out in my arms. His snores whispered into my neck and even in his sleep he held my body close to his. Like he needed me. And I stayed there rubbing his scalp and listening to his breathing for over two hours, because I was so scared that he'd have a seizure or an aneurysm or something in his sleep. Don't ask me why but I just was.
It was more than obvious to me that Mama J was right, he's using something stronger than just weed and liquor to cope with whatever is going on with him. I've seen Chris drunk out of his mind, he's never acted like that. I've seen him sit around and smoke weed all day, and he was the exact opposite of how he was last night. And I've seen him mad, but I've never seen him mad enough for it to make me actually fear for my safety. Ever in my life. Not in the 17 years we've known each other.
And that alone scared me more than anything. The fact that I really could not recognize the face I was looking at last night. The eyes I loved just weren't there. The person I loved...disappeared.
"I don't even know what to say, Ken. I don't know what's going on with him lately."
"His ass was drunk and stupid."
"No...you had to see the look in his eyes. It was scary." I thought I would cry once I started talking about it, but the tears wouldn't come out. "He was saying all kinda crazy shit about how I'm using him, and he hates me, calling me a liar. Then it was like a switch flipped and he was like 'Oh I love you so much, don't leave me.' I was just standing there confused like...I just wanted to disappear, I swear."
