𝑺𝒆𝒙𝒖𝒂𝒍 𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒆𝒓

Chapter Thirteen

I felt a feeling I've gotten used to over the years. The brain numbing, toe curling, sheet gripping feeling I've gotten used to.

Someone's having sex with me. I thought at first that maybe it could be Austin, but I was wrong since Austin is not that big.

"Fuck." It was the first thing that left my mouth as the feeling got better. I felt fingers wrap around my throat and hot breaths touching my neck.

"Asshole." I shuddered. Mark said nothing, just grunting and thrusting inside of me. I let him since the pleasure had taken over me already.

I held the sheets tighter and allowed it to relax me. But this is exactly what I'm talking about. I'm a pawn to everyone, even him.

The both of them. Him and his brother. Quite frankly, it made me feel a sudden wash of sadness.

I could feel and hear Mark getting closer and closer to his orgasm as his breathing became chopped and his grunting deeper and heavier.

I exhaled a steady breath and stopped myself from crying. My body jerked, and I came. Mark's left hand went up my shirt and groped my breast. He came. He squeezed so hard that I thought my book was going to pop.

I was filled, and soon after, he pulled out. I lay there, staring blurrily at the door of my room. Mark stroked my hair and left kisses on my neck and shoulder.

Like I said, I just laid there in total silence, crying. This is the reason why I had agreed to this. I really am sick for sex. I'm a pawn to sin, and I hate knowing that. I do need to be healed. Sexually healed.

-

The next morning came, and I felt an odd feeling, just as I did when I was laid next to Regina in the padded room of white. I still know what it means, that feeling, but I'll ask Matthew to see if he knows. He's always the one with the answer.

I inhaled sharply, taking in a sweet smell of lilac mixed in with sweat. I open my eyes, and curly hair is blocking my view.

It's Regina. I sat up, looking at her. The sun shone past me, and a bit of light caught her in its cascade. I remember coming here last night and fucking her.

I couldn't hold it. Her body called for me to do so, even in her sleep. And just like the first time, she allowed me to touch her. She's a mess just as much as I am.

I reached out and moved her hair out of the way. Her neck is splattered with red marks left by me. Something about her draws me in like a bee to a flower. She is used, but she still has flavor as if she had just bloomed.

It was complicated, these feelings. I got out of bed and took a shower in her bathroom before walking to my room to brush my teeth. After that, I dried my hair and wore it down like I always do. 

I don't do so in order for people to tell Matthew and I apart. I do so to hide my face, to use as my personal mask. I went downstairs and began looking for my brother. I checked nearly everywhere, eventually ending in the only room I hadn't checked, the therapy room.

I didn't knock, I just went in, thinking he wouldn't be there, and I would have to check the other dimension of this hell. However, he was there.

He was sitting at the desk, his elbows propped up and his chin resting on his interlocked fingers, staring. He was simply staring at the couch I normally sat on.

It was peculiar to see my brother look so...absorbed into nothing. But of course, when I entered, his eyes drifted to me. The action was bone chilling since the room was so dark, with only the desk light on.

"Oh, you're awake." He states dryly. He seems off. Matthew switched his posture, letting out a heavy sigh. He motioned to the couch, and I closed the door, walking over in silence.

I took a seat, different from the usual lay. I looked at him, and the desk lamp illuminated his face a way an artist would paint. It made his features oddly pop out more.

It's just surprising how he doesn't like anyone touching him or coming near him in a sexual manner. He's not gay, nor straight. He's not anything. He's just a man obsessed with his work.

It's sickening. Scary.

"How's your morning going?" He asks.

"Good."

"Why so?"

"I woke up next to Regina."

He smiled. "Really? How'd that happen?"

I shrugged. "I went to her room last night."

"I see. Did you fuck her?" For some reason that sentence made me uneasy. It seemed hostile, like there was malice in that statement. My bother would never use the term, "fuck", when it came to sex. He would just say sex.

Maybe I was imagining it, or maybe overthinking it, making a big deal out of nothing. Or maybe not.

"Yes."

"Hm. You had sex with her whilst she was asleep, or did you wake her up?"

"Asleep."

"Did she wake up?"

"Yes."

"Did she enjoy it?"

"Yes. We had sex all night."

He nods slowly as if the news is something worth listening to. My sized me up and hummed. He opened a drawer from his desk and pulled out a notepad and a pen.

He began writing.

"So how do you feel you did that to her in her sleep, and she liked it?"

"Relaxed."

His brows dipped as he wrote down whatever it was he wanted.

"Okay, is there anything more?"

"Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about the strangeness I get now that I'm around her."

"Strangeness? Elaborate."

"Well, this morning when I woke up beside he I felt calm, relaxed. My heart skipped beats, my tongue was dry, and my stomach felt like it wasn't there at all. I wanted to fuck her again, but I also wanted to talk to you first."

"So you prioritized this conversation over sex?"

I guess I did. "Yeah, I guess I did."

"Hmm. And you just started feeling this way?"

"No, I felt it in the room when I woke up to her gone beside me. I woke up like I had lost something when she wasn't where I left her."

He gazed up after he was done writing and stared at me. Something was different. Exactly what was it?

"How did you feel when she called my name when you were fucking her?" Again that word, "fucking", why is he using that term?

"Angry. Until you explained why she did it."

He smirked and put his thumb to his mouth. He does that a lot, a habit he calls it.

"Is that all?" He asks.

"Yeah, that's all. But what does it mean? To feel like this? Like, I don't want her away from me?"

"Oh, that's simple. You like her."

"Like her?"

"Yeah. It seems to me you have grown emotionally attached."

"What do you mean?"

My brother tilt his head at me, and moments later, he dismissed me from the room.

"I'll tell you later, leave now and wake her up. Doesn't matter how you do it." And I did as I was told. I left the room and made my way back to Regina's room.

~