Elusion // l.h

Chapter 35- Simplicity

The bodies holding traits of a survivor lie secretly buried within. It wasn't about the battle or the redemption, it was just the mere concept of surviving. The concept of being able to live freely without fear. I came to realize that freedom in life is not only financial stability or inner peace with one's self, but a general healthy mix of every emotion one could feel. In my little time on time spent on this earth I came to realize that every person in my life was a perfect example of types of this.

Being in a state of financial wealth, but fear of rejection with those important to you, was the weakness I saw in Luke. Being in a state of love but living in the fear of something getting in the way was the weakness I saw in Ashton. Blurring out one's worries through alcohol was the weakness in Maggie. Even Michael's commentary was a weakness of some sort of over compensation. Then neing in denial of everything and pushing things away was the weakness I saw in my mother. I saw many weaknesses in people that I got to know and lately had started to be open about mine.

I was a survivor. I knew that I had endured things that people would never dream of. That was the reality and it was something I had to tell myself every now and again. While Melissa and my own pep talks seem to get me on the road to guilt free enjoyment in life, I still hold the fear that it might get taken away. That is the weakness that I newly had found. I came to peace that my start in life was anything but good, and that there are untold and unknown technicalities of everything to do with it. Although I still feel myself hindered in so many ways, I try to just come to peace with it. That's just how my cards were laid out. I cannot however, get rid of the fear that is implanted in me.

I guess that was maybe why I understood Luke more and more. Although our problems were completely on opposite sides of the spectrum, our fears were similar. Granted, Ashton was scared of things getting taken away from him but it was different. I couldn't feel myself identify with his weaknesses. It was unfortunately too unknown for me.

Calum was already on his way to the bar as I stood in one of the familiar rooms with Michael and Luke. Michael seemed to be waving at everyone, even the people he didn't know, while Luke would glance around every now and again. I myself wasn't quite sure on what I should have been doing with myself, since dancing felt rather odd. I observed a few people and the way they looked, or the way the dressed and it was always interesting just to observe how different people were.

"Looking for Eric? He's not here yet, but don't you worry, he will be here." Michael smirked and I shook my head lightly chuckling.

"I'm just waiting for my drink." I lied so he could get off the subject. Michael was in a mood to get on my case since a few hours.

"Thanks for offering to drive back." Luke screamed since it wasn't possible to hear the other person if you weren't.

"It's no problem, and it is our only option." I screamed back.

"What?" Luke said gesturing to his ear since he apparently couldn't hear me.

I opened my mouth to to scream it again, but he leaned down to me with his hand on my shoulder and his ear by my head.

"I um, I said it's not a problem, I like driving." I said not screaming all too loudly this time.

Luke nodded and opened his mouth to talk but stopped once Calum had returned and pressed a drink into his hand. He mouthed a 'thanks' to him and eventually Calum passed me mine. I did the smell test to make sure there was nothing in it, since I was the driver. Well that was my good excuse at least.

After a few sips and bopping back and forth to music I felt myself in need of some air. I gestured to everyone that I was going to go outside for a minute to myself. Calum and Michael were pre occupied with some girls they just met anyway, and Luke nodded. I felt bad since he seemed quite alone, but I hoped that he would use the time to his advantage and talk to people. Of course who was I to talk?