Elusion // l.h

Chapter 40- Salty Kisses

The air conditioning in the airplane was definitely on my list of things that had managed to make matters worse. Things couldn't get any worse, but the freezing air certainly wasn't helping. The one blanket was not sufficing by any means, and Luke probably would have given me his, since he is always hot, but I'd be lucky if I got him to look my way, much less give me his blanket.

Part of me was happy that the first class seats were so far apart. I don't know how either of us could have survived the stupidly long flight only mere centimeters from each other. Every now again I would look his way, just to see if his expression had changed. It hadn't.

I have felt every negative feeling that exists in the human body but I couldn't describe nor tell you how much the feeling of his facial expression stung. The way that he looked at me right before he stormed out of my room, right after it happened. The look of disappointment he wore after telling me what he did.

I pictured this trip to have went many ways, but not in the way that it did. I didn't expect to have such an amazing time. I didn't think that everything could have went so well and how I was able to forget about myself for a little bit. But nothing could have prepared me for how it ended.

Was I kidding myself? Maybe I did? I don't think I thought I was capable of seeing it, much less think about it. That wasn't the plan. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. There was no way; but yet here I sat clutching on to the thin blanket wondering why I couldn't sleep the night before, and why I couldn't sleep now.

The answer lay to my right. He wasn't allowing himself to look at me. I knew him that much. He knew that I would know if he looked my way, so he didn't. I did though. Maybe I was the one being obvious, but I needed to know he wasn't still angry with me. He was. Because the face I met at the office months ago was the face he was wearing now. The face he stopped wearing with me. Only for me to be the one to get him to wear it again.

The things he said afterward hurt the most. I knew he didn't mean them. He was hurt and did the only thing that he knew. His words had much truth behind them and I didn't want to admit them until I sat here and saw how much it affected him.

What did he expect from me? That I would just drop everything and surrender to something that wasn't there? I couldn't do that. It wasn't something I physically could do.

"Then why is it so different then?" His words replayed once again. Why was it so different?

I couldn't. I won't.

I felt myself rip the blanket off of me and head to bathroom. I couldn't sit here restless anymore, feeling like I wanted to scream, with another 10 hours of flying left to go.

I splashed the cold water from the tiny faucet on my face and looked in the mirror.

What's happening to me?

Two Weeks Earlier

"Can you hand me the rag please?" My mom spoke up standing by the sink. I grabbed the rag next to me by the fridge and handed it to her, she nodded her head in thanks.

"Dinner was good. Thanks." I said as I did everyday that she cooked for us. I hadn't really had much to talk about with her lately. She was wrapped up with all of her new job responsibilities that didn't make much sense, and with New York being so soon she was even more wrapped up in that.

She was happy that I was graduating with honors considering my struggles in math, but that too somehow got better. I definitely didn't get anymore 90% tests but I got a solid B in the end grade which was more than enough.

I was surprised that I had A's in most of my subjects with only one other B besides math. She was definitely proud. But that pride sort if deflated when I told her that I wasn't applying to college. I told her the day my final grades came in.