The Way We Fall

Chapter 178 (Roche)

Tigris didn't return to the infirmary in the three days it took Roche to thaw from her journey to the land of the dead. Leinos kept her cloistered in blankets and consuming so many elixirs that Roche couldn't rinse the taste of the bitter medicine from her mouth. She didn't mind the solitude. If she had to see the accusation in Tigris' eyes again, she was going to lose it.

She understood why Tigris was acting this way. Roche had killed her aunt. Brutally. Gruesomely.

Roche didn't regret it. After everything the Council had done, she'd wanted them dead. She'd been so relieved when Eris had fallen, when the ground was littered with the last remnants of the Council. It meant that the nightmare that all the torture they'd put her through was over.

Now, there was only Finn left to deal with. Then Tigris could rule with far less threat to her throne. And Roche? Roche could finally give into the weight of her sins. Tigris finally knew the truth of what she was.

A monster.

She craned her head back, sucking in a deep breath as she replayed Tigris' look of pure horror upon her confession of what she'd done to the Council. Of how she'd enjoyed the terrible act of murder.

Roche was only sorry that she'd disappointed her queen. But she'd meant every word she'd said. She ruminated on what Tigris would probably do to her now that she knew the truth. The queen was a woman of her word. She wouldn't execute Verita or Leinos, but she'd probably distance herself from Roche.

Roche didn't blame Tigris. If she could, she would part from herself. She would walk away from her terrible, bloodied hands and leave her memories far behind her. But she'd given up far too much to give up now. She had a queen to serve and save. And that was the one thing she was proud of in her life.

Three days after being stuck in a cot with nothing but depressing thoughts to entertain her, Roche all but charged out of the infirmary when Leinos gave her permission to do so. Tigris would be riding out to slay the dragon and Roche had to prepare for the journey. It was a welcome relief from being in the infirmary. Roche felt herself brighten as she scrambled through the halls, smiling at the other servants as she gathered provisions. It felt like nothing had changed, like she could cling to the better parts of herself as she prepared for her lady's journey.

Tigris was already up and out of her chambers by the time Roche had completed her duties, so Roche was blissfully saved from having to look the knowing queen in the face. She darted into Tigris' chambers and gathered the materials she needed before escaping.

She leaned back on her heels as she rifled through the inventory. Tigris' cloak was missing and it would be needed to ward off the chill of the forest's nights. She'd probably left it at Kai's place. Tigris had been spending more time at her betrothed's place. Roche had been happy for her friends, but in moments like this, she wished that Kai lived in the castle so that she wouldn't have to trudge all the way to the lower town for a cloak!

She half expected to get no response when she knocked on the thin wooden door, but to her surprise the door cracked open after the second knock. Kai's eyes widened at the sight of her, and Roche suddenly felt sheepish.

She raised a hand in halfhearted greeting. She and Kai hadn't spoken properly since she'd been raving in the infirmary about what she'd done with Eris. She cringed at the memory as she gazed at Kai through her lashes, shame rising up through her. What would kindhearted Kai think of her now?

He blinked at her, naked surprise visible in his golden brown irises. Then his usual, broad smile spread across his face.

"Roche!" he greeted her warmly, pulling the door open. He was in his usual loungewear, a thin white shirt and loose trousers that pooled around his legs. "Come in. Have a seat."