(NEW STORY) So American ❋ Nick Nelson

Chapter 21

Nick Nelson P.O.V

The warm water falls over my head, trickling down into my eyes; as I sit in the shower.

I haven't been able to stop thinking about the way my football coach had Audrey backed into a corner. What did it mean? Why was he doing that? Was it as bad as it looked?

The more I think, the more overwhelming this all feels.
Everything has just felt like so much lately. Like things are getting bad again.

I look over to my shaving razor, and  the thought of grabbing it and running it over my skin pops into my head. Then the thought of Charlie using the save razor to end his own life pops into my head and sets me straight.

I smack my head in frustration. My thoughts getting too loud. Get a grip Nick.

I don't know if Mum could handle seeing me at my lowest again.

She was so worried about me after Charlie died. I spent a month in my bedroom, and lost so much weight. A few days after his death, they had a funeral for Charlie.

They asked some of Charlie's friends to speak at it. Talk about him when he was joyous and alive. What a joke, I thought. Clearly he never felt very joyous or alive, but I guess that wasn't the point. Tao, Ellie, and Tara all gave really nice speeches, But when it was my turn; I just couldn't. My head got all woozy and the ground swayed beneath my feet. I felt like I was going to pass out. Everyone was staring at me, and I just ran out of there. Ran as fast as I could out of that church. Not knowing where i was going, just trying to escape it all.

I found myself back at Charlie's house.

I let myself in, despite no one being there. And cuddle into his bed. I pulled the blankets over my head, and I sobbed all night.

It was the first time I had a panic attack.

My mum almost called the police when nobody could find me after the ceremony. Apparently everyone left to look for me Eventually Charlie's parents came home, and his sister Tori found me in his bed. They must've called my mum and told her not to worry because no one bothered me the rest of the night. I just cuddled deeper into his bed, inhaling his scent that was still fresh on his pillow.

It wasn't long after that, that we moved to America. My panic attacks had only gotten worse after the first one, and my therapist had suggested maybe a change of scenery could do me some good.

But here I am. Sitting in my shower on the verge of another break down.

I finally find the will to pull myself out of the shower.

Deep breaths Nick.

I sit on my bed, and take out my phone. Looking up 'therapists near me'. I've never thought about self harming before, and it scared me.

I close my eyes and sigh.
My mind goes back to Audrey.

I wonder if she's okay. We've grown so close over the 4 months I've known her. I find myself more often worrying about her, and when I'm not worrying. I'm just simply thinking about her.

After a moments contemplation, I decide to take my phone back out, and text her.

Audrey Johnson P.O.V

I cuddle closer into the cot, wrapping the thin blanket tighter around my body as I shiver. If it's this cold in here, I'm pretty lucky not to be caught outside in it. Because surely I would freeze to death. Winter is coming into full swing.

It's been weeks since I last spent the night at Nicks house. Weeks since I've slept in a comfy bed, in a safe home. I so desperately find myself wishing I was there right now. Warm and cozy. But instead here I am. Sleeping in my own school.

Coach Griffin, has left me mostly alone. I think Nick almost catching him in the act, scared him. I'm thankful for that because we don't run into each-other at all now. But I'll never feel safe enough to stop constantly looking over my shoulder.

I also think it's also safe to say that Nick is becoming my best friend. Not only did he save me from my dad, who has luckily seemed to forget all about my existence by this point. He also saved me from Coach Griffin.

I think he genuinely cares about me. Since the party he hardly leaves my side. We sit in class together, an eat lunch together in the library, we also text pretty much nonstop now.

Nick:
What should we do for your birthday this weekend?

Audrey:
Nothing. I like I usually do on my birthday. Lol

Nick:
Nothing?! On your 18th birthday?! Unacceptable.

Nick:
How about I take you to dinner?

I blush reading his message. I've never really celebrated my birthday. The thought of celebrating it makes me both nervous and excited at the same time.

I decide to tease him a little with my response.

Audrey:
Like a date?

I regret sending it, as 5, 10, then 15 minutes go bye without a response. What if he thinks I'm weird now? Obviously he doesn't think of me like that, I should probably text him telling him I was kidding. 

When my phone dings I pick it up instantly.

Nick:
Yes. Like a date.

I'm pretty sure I can hear my heartbeat in my ears from it beating so loud. My face flushes and butterflies explode in my stomach.

A date? Like a real proper date? I can only imagine what the girls at school would say if they found out about us going on a date. Probably make them jealous of me.

People being jealous of me is a weird concept in my head. Im jealous of every single one of those girls. They've gotten everything I don't. Nice clothes, a safe home, loving parents. Things I will never have. Nick is better off taking anyone of those girls on a date. why me? I'm honestly not even sure I'm worth anything.

Nick? Well, I think he's worth everything. I don't deserve him.