"When he laughs at all my jokes, and he says I'm So American. Oh god, I'm gonna marry him if he keeps this shit up. I might just be in la la la la love."
- Olivia Rodrigo
❋ ❋ ❋ ❋ ❋ ❋ ❋ ❋ ❋ ❋ ❋ ❋ ❋ ❋ ❋ ❋ ❋ ❋ ❋ ❋ ❋ ❋
After the suicide of his boyfrie...
"What do you mean he was in the bathroom with her?" My friend Aaron says.
We're currently in the locker rooms, it's Monday and the school day is almost over as I we finally finish football practice.
"I mean it, just how it sounds. He was in the bathroom with her. I don't know, it was all weird." I say, shaking my head lightly. Running a hand through my messy hair; which is only messy because I keep running my hands through it.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
"Do you think Coach Griffin is capable of hurting someone? Like he's such a great guy. I've been going to this school my whole life, and everyone knows him." Aaron says trailing off. I can tell he wants to be supportive, I can't get mad at him for speculating.
"I-I don't know. M-maybe." I say anxiously. I've been pretty anxious ever since the night of the party. My head just keeps trying to come up with all these excuses, with all these reasons behind what could've happened. What could've been a big misunderstanding.
Eventually after spiraling for awhile I decided to talk to Aaron. Get some more information and see if we can get to the bottom of this.
I may have not known Aaron for long, but he's one of my best friends. He has spent the last 4 months teaching me how to play football, and we've grown closer because of it.
"Tell me what happened again but from the beginning." He says, eyeing me wearily as he notices my anxiety. I'm not sure if he's just worried for me, or If coming to the realization how sick this situation really is.
"I had asked Audrey to come to the football banquet that was on Saturday. She had wondered off to the bathroom without me. I knew she left my side almost instantly so I went looking for her. I heard strange noises coming from the bathroom so I just went in." I close my eyes as the memory replays in my head. Feeling sick from all of my overthinking.
Why can't I just be normal?
I feel a comforting hand on my shoulder, and open my eyes; noticing it's Aarons. He sends me a small smile, as if telling me it's okay to continue.
I take a deep breath
"When I went in, I seen Coach griffin had Audrey pressed up against the wall. Like, the whole front of his body was pressing into hers, and I could see the tears in her fucking eye, mate." I spit out. Aarons eyes are wide, and his hand squeezes my shoulder in a caring manner before his hands drop to his side.
"Oh man. This is not good. What should we do?" Aaron says. Stress becoming more apparent in his voice.
"I don't know. Who would believe us anyways? Besides even though it was wrong, it's not enough to call the cops or anything; they would just tell us that nothing had even happened yet. Even if they believed us, it's not my story to tell. I don't think Audrey would talk to any cops. S-she has a little bit of trauma with them." I hang my head low and all I can think about is Audrey, her soft brown eyes, and the ways I had also hurt her.
"You really like her don't you?" He says and now it's my turn for my eyes to go wide.
"What do you mean?" I question.
"Well, you like. Know a lot about her. No one else at this school even bothered to try. Not to mention you asked her to go to that football banquet in the first place. Kinda like a date?" He finishes
"A date?! You don't think she thought that was a date do you? I didn't mean for her to, and then it all went wrong anyways. What if it was the worst first date of all time?" The words seem to fall out of my mouth as my brain is busy overthinking.
"Woah Woah Woah, slow down there Nicky." He says trying to stop my anxious ranting. "Did you want it to be a date?" He asks.
I don't know honestly
"I've never really thought about it." I say as I rub the back of my neck awkwardly.
Lie.
I mean I've thought about her. Of course I have. But I don't know if Im ready yet.
"Maybe you should ask her out? Get to know her better. Maybe then she can tell you what really happened went down with Coach." Aaron shrugs. I blush at the thought of asking her out on a date. I mean, she would definitely say no anyways so I should have myself the embarrassment.
- I've spent almost all week with Audrey and honestly it's been one of the best weeks of my life.
I haven't worked up the courage to ask her out or anything, but I can see where I'm growing really really fond of her.
I wonder what Charlie would say. Probably make some joke about me being with a women. I almost smile thinking about Charlie.
Smile? While thinking about Charlie?
I almost always block him from my mind to keep me from spiraling but today feels alright. Today I want to remember him. Remember what it feels like to be loved. What it feels like to love...
"Hey Audrey!" I say, waving to her as I walk into homeroom. She looks up from the journal she's drawing in, and smiles at me. I can't help but notice it doesn't quite reach her eyes. She looks tired.
"How are you on this beautiful morning?" I say and she raises her eyebrows in a questioning manner.
"What's got you in such a good mood?" She says softly, humor laced in her voice. As she smiles at me.
"Just woke up on the right side of the bed I guess" I shrug with a smile. She just rolls her eyes playfully at me.
"I'm assuming you didn't wake up on the right side of the bed, then?" I say with a chuckle.
"You can say that." She says with a slight shrug and a far off look. She's trying to brush it off, but I want her to know she can talk to me.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I say softly and I put my hand over hers. She looks at me then our hands and she sighs. I instinctively move my hand away and she sighs even harder.
"It's kinda stupid." She says, finding the ground more interesting than anything else; as she glues her eyes to it.
"Your feelings are never stupid. They're the only thing that's truly our own. Your allowed to feel however you want, about whatever you want; and it will never be wrong." I say encouraging her to continue.
"My birthdays this weekend. I'm excited because I'll be 18, but my birthday is hard for me every year. So I'm also conflicted." She says. She's gotten so much better about talking. I haven't noticed her talking to anyone else but me, but one step at a time.
"Happy early birthday." I say with a small smile. "I'm sorry it's a hard day for you. Maybe you can do something fun?"
"Yeah, maybe." She trails off, laying her head down on the desk and closing her eyes.
My heart twitches. She's been so tired lately. This is the third day in a row she's rested her head on the desk and power napped in homeroom.
