"When he laughs at all my jokes, and he says I'm So American. Oh god, I'm gonna marry him if he keeps this shit up. I might just be in la la la la love."
- Olivia Rodrigo
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After the suicide of his boyfrie...
The hot water falls over my head and pounds onto my back. The steam is so thick I'm practically choking on it, and my skin is peppered in small little red welps from the extreme temperature.
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Audrey fell asleep in my bed not too long ago. She fell asleep fucking crying after everything she had told me. It still feels unreal. I feel so sick to my stomach.
I run a hand through my wet hair, sighing. What am I going to do?
The last time I went to the cops for help, Audrey became homeless.
Fucking HOMELESS.
When we came inside from our walk earlier, she told me everything she's been hiding. From her dads abuse, to running away and making up this whole fake cousin mess; ontop of that she got fucking raped. He raped her.. he hurt her, my Audrey.. and it was all my fault.
My chest pounds loudly as if my heart still can't comprehend everything it's been through in the last few hours.
She just cried and cried into my chest until eventually she went limp. God, she must be so tired all the time. So stressed all the time. No wonder she's lost so much weight, and never wears new clothes, never had a ride to places just walked? All of the signs were right there in front of my face, yet I couldn't see them. And because of that, she spends her nights on the school fucking floor. While I slept here in my nice warm bed. I feel so selfish.
She could've been staying here for Christ's sake. Been here and safe with me. In my arms and away from that fucking pedo.
Oh who am I kidding, I've never kept anyone safe before. Not Charlie. Not Audrey. Not even myself anymore.
The shine of the razorblade looks so tempting. I grab it in one hand and lightly touch the sharp side with my other. Getting a feel for how sharp it might be.
Nick stop this. What are you doing. Charlie wouldn't want this.
The noises in my head only make me angrier. I bring the blade to my arm, and I start to press down.
I wince loudly as the metal slices through my skin. The sight of blood shocks me and I drop the blade all together. It clatters loudly as it hits the shower floor.
Oh my god, Nick I can't believe you've almost done that just now. what is wrong with you? Stop making this all about yourself. This is about Audrey.
I rinse the singular cut on my arm under the shower water before turning it off all together. I feel sick.
I dry off and put on my pajamas, throwing on Charlie's favorite blue hoodie to cover the single cut on my arm. The feeling of shame overcomes me.
That's just great Nick. Audrey is going through some serious shit right now, and instead of being there for her Im here fucking hurting myself?? What's wrong with me? Deep breaths. In and out.
I exit the bathroom and enter my bedroom. I see Audrey's sleeping form and I start to pace.
It's so late, but I can't stop pacing. Thinking.
I'm walking around my room for hours when I hear the her soft whimpering.
She must be having a bad dream.
I decide to lay down next to her. "Audrey, it's Nick. You're just having a bad dream, it's going to be okay." I whisper to her.
She's still asleep, but her bottom lip is poked out and she's wearing a deep frown between her brows. Not a peaceful sleep at all.
Not knowing what else to do. I decide to sing. Hoping it might sooth her. I used to sing to Charlie when he couldn't fall asleep. I don't really like my voice that much but Charlie always said I sounded beautiful. I wish he was here. He would've known what to do.
"And I think it's gonna be a long, long time 'Til touchdown brings me 'round again to find I'm not the man they think I am at home Oh, no, no, no I'm a rocket man Rocket man Burning out his fuse up here alone"
I softly stroke her cheek with the pad of my thumb, slowly but surely her body seems to relax; and she's dreaming peacefully again.
Audrey Johnson P.O.V -
I feel groggy waking up in the morning. I groan and start to stretch in a desperate attempt to come to life.
It was only now that I felt the large arm draped over my waist and I panic. Immediately pushing them and myself away from each other in a desperate attempt to create space.
Two thuds and an "Oof" can be heard as we fall off either side of the bed. I rub the sleep out of my eyes and try to take in my surroundings.
"Audrey is everything alright" I hear a voice but I don't see him. I stand up from the floor, and find Nicks also on the floor but the opposite side.
"Oh my god, Nick. I'm sooo sorry. I didn't know where I was and I just got confused and felt your hands and I didn't know. I'm sorry. Please don't be mad." I spill out apologetically.
Realistically, I know Nick wouldn't hurt me over this, but realistically a father doesn't beat his daughter and a teacher doesn't assault their students. People don't tend to be very normal around me for some reason.
"Love, don't be silly. It's okay it was just an accident. I would never be mad at you for something like that." He says warmly. I blush at the way he effortlessly called me 'love'.
"R-right. Of course. Sorry"
"You say sorry a lot." Nick says standing up from the ground, then sitting on his bed. "It reminds me so much of him sometimes." He says with a sad smile.
"Who, Charlie?" I ask. My heart softens at the mention of his ex-boyfriend.
"Yeah. He was such an aggressive apologizer. Always saying sorry for his own existence." He says with a chuckle, and I sit next to him. "You don't have to apologize for existing, Audrey. You don't have to ever apologize to me, okay?" He smiles and when I nod, I can seen his smile become more genuine. "Come on, let's go get some breakfast." He says softly and I nod my head as again. Letting him take the lead on our morning.
