"When he laughs at all my jokes, and he says I'm So American. Oh god, I'm gonna marry him if he keeps this shit up. I might just be in la la la la love."
- Olivia Rodrigo
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After the suicide of his boyfrie...
The drive home felt long. I had a lot on my mind as of late. Mostly what Aaron said about Audrey. Did I know her better than any of the other kids at school? And what does that even mean?
"Hey, Nick is that you?" My mum shouts from somewhere in the kitchen when I walk in the door.
"Yeah, it's me." I holler back. Taking my shoes off at the door and sighing.
"Everything alright dear?" She says walking into the entryway. She's drying her hands on a washrag, and is wearing her apron. She can always tell when I'm off, and drops whatever she's doing to check on me.
How did I get so lucky to have a Mum like her.
I don't respond, just send her a sad half smile.
"Why don't I get us some tea, and we can talk about it?" She says with a warm smile. Gently caressing my cheek, then disappearing again to the kitchen.
I sigh again. I seem to be doing that a lot today. Some tea does sound lovely right about now, and realistically I usually feel better after these kinds of talks with my mum.
I make my way to my room, quickly throwing on a pair of sweatpants and Charlie's favorite blue sweater. The need to be comforted right now is immense.
I see my mom already at the kitchen table with some tea and biscuits set out for us.
"Hey" I say softly while sitting next to her.
"Hey" she smiles gently at me. "Tea?"
"Yes, please." Nodding my head.
She pours my glass full and I thank her. Taking a sip of the sweet butter liquid that I never really liked until I met Charlie.
"So, tell me dear. How was your day really?" She asks. Taking a sip from her own mug.
"Do you remember my friend Audrey?" I say awkwardly, not really knowing where to start.
My mother just nods waiting for me to continue.
"W-well I think I might like her. Like, like like her." I blush then put my face in my hands.
"Well she's quite a lovely girl so I can see why." She says giving me an encouraging smile.
"Yeah." I say smiling at the fact my mum likes her so much. "She really is. But.." I say trailing off.
"But, Charlie?" She says, her smile looks much more sad now.
"Yeah... I just. Really miss him still. And I think I will always love him. I don't want to forget about him and move on with someone else yet." My throat feels tight and I know I'm about to cry.
"Oh hunny," she starts, wrapping an arm around my shoulder comfortingly. Which is enough to make my eyes water.
"You don't have to stop loving him to start loving someone else. Your heart is big enough to do both. Charlie would just want you to be happy." The tears start to pull over.
"If you really like Audrey, and she makes you happy. Then don't hold yourself back by staying in the past. You must keep going forward Nicky. If not, you get stuck... like Charlie." She pulls me into a full on hug, and I wrap my arms around her tightly. Burying my head into her shoulder to hide my tears. Though I'm sure she can feel them soaking through her shirt sleeve .
"I need you, my sweet boy. And from what I know about Audrey, she does too. I know Charlie would be so proud of all you've done to help her get out of that abusive home. You are stronger then you think you are. If you want to be with Audrey, I think you should be with Audrey."
-
I pace my room as I come up with a plan. Trying to figure out how to casually ask Audrey out on a date without her hating me and breaking my heart.
I never realized how hard putting myself back out there would be. Honestly, I never thought I would have to after me and Charlie started dating.
I think I'm ready to try, but I'm just so scared. Scared of rejection, scared of failing another person I love.
Love.
I shake my head and try to focus. I should just text her and get a feel for what she might think of me. If she likes me back then maybe it won't be so scary.
The most casual conversation I can bring up, is her birthday. It's what we were talking about in homeroom this morning. So it's probably what's the most on her mind.
Nick: What do you want to do for your birthday this weekend?
She responds quickly and I lay down on my bed. Trying to focus on this important conversation. I can't help but notice how fast my heart is beating. I'm so nervous.
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Get a grip Nick Nelson, you are not about it get all weird and nervous over some girl you mearly have a crush on.
Audrey: Nothing. I like I usually do on my birthday. Lol
Nick: Nothing?! On your birthday?! Unacceptable.
I type and retype my message over and over again trying to find the right words. Finally I just hit send, because if I don't know if I ever will if I don't just rip off the bandaid.
Nick: How about I take you to dinner?
My heart is beating so fast and I almost break out into a sweat as I wait for her response. The waiting is killing me inside.
Audrey: Like a date?
Butterflies explode in my belly as I don't waste time with my reply.
Nick: Yes. Like a date.
I hear my heart beat in my ears as I wait for her response. Subconsciously wrapping Charlie's favorite sweater closer to my body for comfort.
Audrey: Yeah, I'd really like that! :)
I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and I blush. My smile can't be contained. I sit up in my bed, texting wildly.
Nick: Great! I can pick you up tomorrow around 5? I know this great Asian spot Aaron showed me!
Audrey: Would it actually be alright if we met there?
I frown at this a little. I mean yeah, she probably is just busy before hand or something. But we've hung out a couple of times and she's always meeting me when I offer to pick her up. Almost like she's embarrassed if I see where her and her cousin live. But I would never care about something like that.
I shake my head a little. It's fine to meet.
Nick: Yeah of course, I'll send you the address! It's a pretty casual place, so you don't have to worry about dressing up! :)
I turn my phone off and rest my head back against the headboard. I smile to myself.
