Only For A Moment // Fourth Wing x OC

Chapter Seventeen - Numb....Agonizingly Numb

I take Violets hand in mine. She looked so fragile laying here. She would absolutely hate this. I take a deep breath trying to regain control of emotions. My heart hurts so deeply I don't understand how it's still beating.

"I know you're mad at me right now and when you wake up you're still probably going to be pissed but I need you Vi. I'm barely holding it together long enough to have this conversation with you. I can't lose you too.....so I need you to fight and wake your ass up or I'll never forgive you for leaving me. Got it." I quickly wipe the tears from my eyes. I squeeze her hands gently before slowing making my way towards the door. I was still more than wobbly but I didn't care. None of this mattered. I felt so numb.....felt like my life has been completely sucked out of me. I was just a shell of the person I once was.

Bodhi dashes towards me as I get the door opened, his arm coming out to support me. I lean against him as Riorson comes up to me. "I'll let you know when she wakes. In the meantime if there is anything you need don't hesitate to ask. We are all here for you Wren." His words should comfort me...should make me feel something but they don't. I nod my head before directing Bodhi back to my room.

He helps me lay back down sitting on the edge of my bed carefully watching me. "Is there anything you need? I can stay with you" He offers but I shake my head. "Thank you but I just want to be alone right now." I can see the disappointment cross his face....before today I would have been able to feel his disappointment. Not anymore. He leaves me shortly making sure I have everything I need closing the door behind him. His footsteps don't go far, no doubt choosing to sit right outside my room in case I need anything.

I turn away from the door curling into myself. The tears already starting to fall rapidly as I try desperately to cling on to my memories of him....."Ryuu...." I call out. "Yes little bird." I take a shuddered breathe. "I feel so numb....there's just pain. Agonizing pain. I don't think I can do this."

"You are stronger than you realize little bird. There will come a day when you won't feel so deeply.....the memories of him won't be so painful. Until then it's going to hurt. Don't push the people that care about you away, let them help." His voice was soothing as I start to nod off. Letting the darkness envelope me once more as I fall asleep.

I feel a slight nudge on my shoulder as I rub my eyes. "Liam...." My voice barely above a whisper. When my vision finally comes through I see Bodhi's dark curls and soft smile. A fresh stab of sorrow pierces my heart as the reminder of Liam being gone comes rushing back in.

"Violet. She's awake." He urges me as I sit up straighter. I look at him....really look at him for the first time since the battle that took everything from me. His arm was in a sling. How could I have missed that? He helped me walk...helped me get into bed....helped me with everything and here he was hurt and I didn't even fucking notice.

"You have a lot going on right now. It's okay." He tells me through our connection. "It's not okay Bodhi. I should have noticed. I'm sorry. I'm so consumed by my own shit.....I didn't......" I choke on a sob. He takes a seat by side me, his good arm taking a hold of my hand, rubbing soothing circles as I start to relax slightly.

"If there is anyone here that understands the depth of your pain right now it's me...." He looks at me with such tenderness it makes me want to cry even more for being a horrible person to him. He watched his mother be executed just like Liam....

"I'm not expecting you to be in the right state of mind to be worried about me. Not when you are grieving......just don't push me out. I want to be here for you." I nod my head leaning against his good shoulder.

"So what happened?" I question him as he lets out a small sigh.

"A venin fractured it in four places." He tells me as I pop up in shock. "Bodhi! You should have told me!" I yell at him. "You were a little busy being a badass wielding shadows and lightning. Didn't want to interrupt your moment."