Hand pan journey: night of the living hand pan

Crystals (healing)

This was supposed to be a good summer but that day July 20th 2022 I will not forget this. So I was in my idiot brother apartment trying to catch forty winks, when his stupid cellphone was ringing, he was still up. This was the catalyst for a complete shite show. When I hear that phone ring I was pissed off and had that f**ked up feeling that I will not be with a mother anymore. And shit I was right.

"Here you go," said Bryan.
I pick up the phone and here my more intelligent brother John talking about my mother.

Oh shit was my thought

And soon he start to tell me that my mothers cancer was to far fucking gone and that she had also bled out from too many blood thinners. I mean a wack load of the shit. That is what I thought blood thinners where because of my moms death. Pure shit.

As my brother was telling me this I was cussing him off the phone, and Bryan the dimwit had to take over listening for me. The only request I had was that I had an Erne necklace for both my parents.

At this point in that scenario I was to to rabid to talk either one.

The next thing was the funeral and I had to deal with my psychopath of aunt I remember that correctly. And I had to be nice to her. Some thing I wish I could take a shower and just thinking about it was very aggravating to have to see her and her associates. I call my relatives at the time. Now she doesn't really like the fact that I'm on this planet and she didn't like the idea that my father was on this planet they never got along nor her sister, her and her sister, my mother.

But besides the point without the aunts, I remember my parents used to take me on trips and used to the big thing was that they wanted to a terrorist country just to adopt me some thing that no one could even do not even the Americans at the time in 1989 Romania, so this was some thing that these two people would have something that would be dear to my heart.

Little did, I know these gems would be completely gone out of my life now because of my parents, because of blood thinners, and because of cancer and dementia. I ended up, deciding that I was going to find a more creative way instead of a stupid celebration of life, which was more of a pain in the ass I think.

Call me new AG but I am more interested in crystals and try not to avoid things as a new western culture. We try to avoid the bad stuff and try to paint it up to be a housewife instead of the undesirable it is. At least with me and my ancestors. At least we have something that we can believe, and when it comes to grieving which is nature and nature base beliefs. Something that has been held near to me since I was about what? Four or five years old.

That was a shit show of the day. I'll mention that one time in this book because this was a really rotten day for me. I was called out for bad behaviour and well. I kind a need to be called out for the bad behaviour as I was mouthing off at someone who is completely nice to me and I didn't know I was doing it. Until I looked in the mirror and I look deep inside and saw what was causing all the problems. It was coming up to my mother's death anniversary something I did not exactly enjoy nor care to remember.

 When I ended up talking to my mental health worker. Cassandra, that was her name. I ended up realizing that I had to find a way to control what was happening to me and also to commemorate my mother without being a complete ass. This was gonna be something I had to think about, but I remember a few days before this complete shit show of a day. I was a deep diving in my ancestry and looking at the different costumes I did, and one of them or the cairn stones.
This had fascinated me as much as anything else of my ancestors had an tangently, fascinated me, Weatherby, tattoos, piercings, body yard, or anything for that matter this was something that was gonna be a happy hour session if I was gonna do this for my father, but I didn't think about doing this for my mother at first cause I already got a tattoo for her.
But lo and behold this did not turn out to be the exact thing I was gonna help me what is a tatttoos instead, I ended up having to talk to the mental health worker about ways to fix out the problems in my life security degrees. He cannot get rid of greif, but you can certainly ride the wave she said, and there's a way to honour your loved ones somehow and I decided to do so with my heritage.