Deluded (A Vampire story Part I)

Chapter 29 - High on vamp blood

I was never the type to get high.

It was not my thing.

I liked control over my senses any day.

So being dry as a desert and then having a taste of vampire blood was equivalent to being a virgin one day and getting tied up in a BDSM dungeon the next.

It was extreme. There was no other way to describe it.

The feeling was extreme.

There was a part of me aware that this was wrong. This self sabotaging feeling was wrong. But it was muted.

The loudest part inside me which was juiced up with the vamps blood was telling me I was capable of all sorts of things.

Things that could kill me.

For example jumping off a cliff into a fast flowing river was one of those self sabotaging moments.

But my mind told me I could. I can do anything I wanted and I would survive.

So I did. With a salute to my brother I was falling down. Gravity was my best friend then. I could feel her arms caress my body and she was dragging me into the water.

In the dark night there was nothing I could see. But as I plunged into the water the first thing that hit me was the cold temperature. 

It felt like millions of cold needles pricking my skin. Pain was muted but I could still feel it.

Maybe the effects of the blood was wearing off.

I let the water carry me away. I did not swim upstream or even bothered to swim to the river bank. I just let the water move me to my destination.

Whatever that might be. 

Either way I did not care. Nothing mattered anyway. I had nothing left. I had no one left. Why did I even put up a fight.

I could just let go. Let everything go and the world will revolve like it usually does.

With me gone. Nothing will change.

Maybe Samael and Benjamin will find my body. In the worst case it could be Nathaniel. Nothing would change.

Maybe it could be a good thing.

Letting go.

Why did I fight all this while.

I wonder. Why didn't I just die in the crash.

Everything would have been different if I would have just died in the crash.

I wouldn't have met Benjamin. Samael or Marcus.

Maybe I would have been in heaven with my folks.

If heaven existed.

I wouldn't have to feel anything. I wouldn't have to see my long lost brother. Who is unrecognizable. He is as good as dead as my parents. 

Let go.

Let go.

Let go.

I couldn't have been able to control anything anyway.

Let go.

I felt like an empty shell as I was floating on the river.

The night sky was beautiful. The starts twinkled back at me.

Hundreds of stars twinkled like fireflies. 

There was a light buzzing of the forest in the night. A few frogs were croaking away.