Jerrie One Shots - Fluff, Smut, Anything Really...

ONLY IN MY DREAMS

JADES A BIT OF A BADDIE HERE GIVING LIKE HEARTBREAK BUT ALSO... WOAH VIBES. ANYWAYS ENJOY (YEAH U) I NEED SLEEP IT TOOK 3 HOURS TO WRITE THIS. 

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Of course she likes someone else. 

I close my eyes, only briefly to hide my upset, but regardless, it is there. It sinks deep inside my chest, and I swear my heart stops, or breaks, or crumbles. Although I'm sat across from her, my knees are weak - I couldn't stand up and walk away if I wanted to. 

Nevertheless, a laugh escapes my mouth. I wouldn't dare give her the satisfaction of knowing I care. 

Good thing the bell's about to ring. 

"Well have fun in your fave class." I say, pretending to have spite, but really I'm too focused on keeping myself together to care how I come across. 

"Oh, I will." The blonde smiles, and stands, slinging her bag over her shoulder. 

Her loose hair sways. It hurts a little to have to look away instead of stare in awe at her. 

I have no reply to her, just nodding and clearing my throat. She thinks its a humorous act, but really I'm trying to force the lump in my throat to leave. 

It doesn't but she wouldn't know.

"Have fun with your fave too, Jadey." she smiles, following behind me while I walk out of the study room. 

Of course she uses my nickname,  and more importantly, I would do anything to tell her how much I hated not being able to say it's actually her that I want to see - not some random teacher that I attached to because she gave me an ounce of care when no one else did. 

Obviously, why would i explain that to her when she likes someone else. 

"Maybe I will." I chuckle instead, walking through a set of double doors.

Then I shake my head, just as she goes to walk the other direction to her class. It might be pointless but at least I can finally say it for the first time without having to cover it up just as a friend walks past. 

I snap. 

"You know, Perrie. I haven't once let us out of my mind. You can move on and say you love someone but I will never be able to keep you out of my mind enough to even think about someone else." I clear my throat again to hide the shakiness in my voice, "So, I'm happy you moved on because at least one of us can." 

And before she can see the tears held in my eyes, I turn away and walk. I keep walking, regardless of whether she called my name or not. 

I walk past my friends, who try to get my attention but I push them off me, feeling like a zombie in a crowded room. I feel choked. This other girl tries to ask me something but I can't even hear her over the radio static in my ears. I also push past her. 

I finally make it to my next class, clutching my chest as if I was having a post-marathon heart attack. I shove the door open, tears brimmed at the corner of my eyes making the room blurry. Ignoring the stares, I grab the small teddy sitting on the counter beside my teacher's desk. 

She knows not to pick on me when I take it. 

"Is it one of those days again? Are you okay?" she asks, but I shake my head.

God, will people leave me alone? All of a sudden people want my attention when they've practically ignored me all day.

"I am not okay, but you don't need to ask about it." 

She nods. I throw the teddy on my desk. 

I spend that whole lesson practically holding my breath, head on the table tears falling into my sleeves like I had no control over myself. I felt like I was being strangled. I was at school, I couldn't cry in front of people, I couldn't just start sobbing in the middle of a room. No one is allowed to see that. They don't deserve to see how much I'm really hurting because they don't care to learn the whole story.