𝐦𝐢𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐫𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 - TMR AU, Thomas

𝟢𝟥𝟨，𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬

༺ THIRTY - SIX ༻

Now that Thomas is gone, I notice I've been underestimating the little things that have been happening lately.

The dizziness, my hair getting thin like that, the marks on my spine of all the sit ups I do, the constant coldness, and the black dots.

I've shaken them off before, but now that I have less people I actually hang out with, I notice it's not very enjoyable to have at all. In this one first week that Thomas is gone, I'm already sick of it.

I have to find something that'll keep everything balanced. The number just can't go up. I doubt I've lost enough by now, I'm not satisfied yet, but the most important thing is that it can't go up. But I also need to stop feeling this hollow. How?

No idea.

I'll start by looking in the mirror. I've refused to look at my body the last weeks. Not once, I have looked, and when I accidentally see myself in the mirrors at ballet, I don't look at my body.

If I look now, I can see if it will matter if I stop losing weight. If I'll be okay with staying with this body type or if it has to be different.

I slowly slide my pants off, not looking just yet, and then my sweater. It's annoying to take the shirt below my sweater off. It's such a struggle because it's so tight and my arms don't have the strength to pull that off all the time.

I breathe in before I glare in the mirror, only wearing my undergarments. And I look away three seconds later.

That's not me. The bloody mirror is cursed.

I decide to take another look. My hips aren't like that. They're not curved around my bones in whatever ugly way that was, and neither is the skin around my ribs.

Just then, there's a knock. I've only managed to take my clothes in my hands when the door opens, and Sonya walks in.

Out of instinct, I turn my back to her. I feel exposed. I don't like it. "Sonya!"

With Thomas... I don't know. It's gotten harder showing my body. But most of the time he actually has a chance to see it, it's in the dark. Otherwise, he never said anything about it and he for sure never stared at me like Sonya is doing right now.

"What?" I snap. The word comes out meaner than I intended to, but I don't want my own sister to be on the list of people who've stared.

And just like that, she's gone. Smashed the door closed and ran away. I'm left alone, confused and a bit sad.

Whatever, I'll look again. I turn back to the mirror. Forcing myself to keep looking is like torture. I want to look away, but I won't allow myself.

I can see my ribs, Janson was right about that. Yes, my legs are shaking beneath my body, but come on. My clothes don't fit, alright. He's been right, but haven't I agreed all the time? This is just the first time I see proof.

My door slams open for another time, and from surprise, I turn around with a gasp. Can they leave me alone for a second?

There Sonya is again. Next to her, I see Mom. Sonya's eyes are wide and desperate, and Mom slowly lifts an hand to her open mouth.

I start putting my clothes on as fast as I can. "What is it?"

Mom blinks a few times, and she shudders. "Oh, love..." She moves closer. My legs move away automatically. "Rose, my baby..." She mutters. Once she reaches me, she takes my hand. Hers is warm against mine, and mine somewhat disappears. "Sonya, go to your room."