𝐦𝐢𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐫𝐛𝐚𝐥𝐥 - TMR AU, Thomas

𝟢𝟦𝟨，𝐫𝐮𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐬

༺ FORTY - SIX ༻

Never thought a breakup could hit this hard.

Cried all night, then lay hopelessly in Newt's arms, unable to fall asleep as my mind repeated his words and the test I have to buy and everything at once, driving me bloody crazy.

Right now, I probably look the worst I have in my life. Dark circles, messy hair, duff eyes. And then there's a plate full of food in front of me, and Newt's quietly telling Mom and Dad what happened as Sonya attempts to hear it, too.

I've lost my appetite. For once, it's genuinely not the need to lose weight. I just lost my appetite.

I just don't love you anymore. I shake my head to get his words away.

"Love?" It comes from a bit distance, but I can smell and hear it's Mom. Her arms wrap around me for a few seconds. I'm frozen in my seat, unable to hug back. "It's alright if you don't finish your whole meal today," she says softly. "Is there anything I can do?"

I shake my head.

She tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear, pressing her hand against my cheek as she does so. "Any plans for today or should I just get you some blankets? A bath, perhaps? Sleeping might be nice."

I shake my head again. "Gotta run to the store," I mutter. "And ballet and work."

"You really don't have to do all of that if you don't feel like it." Newt crouches besides us, too. "You can skip work for sure. I'll go to the store for you."

"No," my voice is hollow from crying. "I'll go. Fresh air."

It takes at least thirty minutes for me to get up the stairs, choose clothes, wash my face, and then turn the shower on, in which I stand for like an hour.

Literally just stand. Let the water pour onto me, running down my body, following the right curves in a way clothes can't at this point. I stare at my feet the whole time, attempting not to think of him, but one of my core memories happens to be in a shower.

I eventually get out, dress, take my money and walk, very slowly, to the story. My hoodie cap is over my head to cover half of my horrible looks. My hands have disappeared in my sleeves once again.

It feels awful to buy a pregnancy test, knowing that if it happens to be positive, the kid won't have married parents or anything. Knowing I'd have to go through those nine months without Thomas and knowing what kind of changes that would make.

No Nutcracker, no laxatives for sure, gaining weight... things that sound like hell to me.

I take one box, not really caring which one, and walk through the store to maybe get some extra laxatives. Then I stop myself, and only get ready to pay for the rest.

There's a gasp beside me and I freeze at the words of a kid, who looks like she's ten. I look away once she finishes speaking, "Mom, do you think she'll get to be a mommy, too?"

"No."

"Oh. Why won't she? It would've been exciting."

I pretend I don't hear that as I stand in line to pay. Just keep my head down.

"Lone, unhealthy people can't deal with that, honey."

"Unhealthy?"

"Just don't look, honey."

Lovely.

Thanks, Miss.

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