Heartstrings on the Blue Line - Quinn Hughes

chapter thirty nine: realizations

" 𝕤𝕒𝕪 𝕪𝕠𝕦'𝕝𝕝 𝕣𝕖𝕞𝕖𝕞𝕓𝕖𝕣 𝕞𝕖, 𝕤𝕥𝕒𝕟𝕕𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕚𝕟 𝕒 𝕟𝕚𝕔𝕖 𝕕𝕣𝕖𝕤𝕤 𝕤𝕥𝕒𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕒𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕤𝕦𝕟𝕤𝕖𝕥 𝕓𝕒𝕓𝕖.."

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Quinn

I was going to do it, not because I loved Olivia, but because I just want to settle down.

Don't get me wrong, I do love her (in some sense), I just don't feel a legitimate connection between us. I do feel bad that I don't love her as much as I do Gen, but she.. She's off the table now.

I've gotten my mind wrapped around the fact that Gen is never going to be mine. Maybe in another lifetime. I would go back for her, I just don't know what I'd do if she would reject me again.

The idea of proposing to Olivia came into my mind on the flight back to Vancouver from Toronto after seeing Gen again. I hope that she had changed her mind, but obviously she thought about Olivia and didn't want to be a home wrecker. Part of me wishes that she were.

That last kiss that Gen and I shared was amazing, I didn't want it to end. I know it's wrong for me to be doing that, but in a way it was like a proper goodbye from her. A goodbye that wasn't meant to happen.

I did get a box from her though, weeks after I got back from Ontario. I was told by Jack not to open it. I don't know why that was, but I obliged.

We have both made mistakes that we wish we could change, but life moves on.

Yet here you are thinking about proposing to a girl that you don't love as much. You haven't moved on at all.

Tomorrow while she was at work, I decided that I was going to look for a nice ring. She was a nice girl, she was sweet, she deserves a keepsake.

The truth is that I don't want to lose her, but I don't want to lose Gen even more. If she jumped off a cliff, I would too.

My mom always asked me if I would do that when she was talking about one of my friends from middle school back a long time ago.

While I was on the topic of a ring, I decide to let my brothers know.

Huggy
this is it men

I'm getting a ring for her tomorrow

Rowdy
WHAT?!

Quinn you're joking right

It's only been a year

Are you sure about this

Lukie

I liked Gen better tbh

never even met this girl you're dating

Huggy
I need to move on

Rowdy
good luck with that

we will support you either way

Lukie
who's we Jack?