One-shot Compilations

Funny Antics

I was just there wanted to be alone,
Overstimulated
No energy to talk.
The feeling of wanting to disappear returns.
That feeling of everything is overwhelming me.
That you just want to go.. anywhere.
To escape... to run... to sleep for a very long time.
I always lie when I say I'm okay.
I am not okay. I am far from that because I am unable to articulate all my feelings.
They will suggest that I am overthinking it.
Perhaps they are correct, but it would also be like telling me not to feel what I feel because it doesn't exist. However, it's impossible to ignore it when it feels raw in my chest.
Then you realized-- Ahhh-- they just want tea, they just want to know why so that they can talk about it and justify why you are a wrecked person. But then I just want someone to be present with me while I was drowning in my feelings. So you messed up with them giving them false info to think about. So that the questions stop because you really don't want to say. Then each question was a realization for me about how they perceived me. The realization was a slap in the face and I would say I was hurt. So I kept up the lie by providing wrong information, and if that wrong information slips, then I know who's talking.  These people... as hurt as I can be... are only there when they need you, but doesn't care when it was the time you need someone and that is the hardest spill to swallow aside from what I felt. It is what it is.

I just want people to be there breathing the same breath even if I can't share what I feel. To just be with me even if they do not know anything because I can only say things if I have already processed it and it was long gone. 

Then, there's this one person who was brave enough to make you laugh. Of all the people who asked if you were okay, he was the only one who joked until you gave in and laughed. Until you eventually forget that you are feeling something. Then you feel at ease, safe, and then thankful for not asking, but making things fun in an indirect way. Making you feel at ease.

Discreetly. In his own funny and stupid antics, he makes you laugh. That brings you a smile and it was his discreet way of cheering you up. Don't get me wrong, I know this is not something he does only for me. He does it with everyone who needs cheering up that day. It's just that for a very long time I thought he was just all jokes with no seriousness at all. This is something that caught my attention. A side of someone who I didn't realize was there. He was kind, in his own little stupid funny antics. He cares, in his own little funny way. He has no idea how he saved me that day and with that I will forever be grateful. Funny how someone you are not close with can cheer you up but not those people who you thought can, sad, but it is what it is.