One-shot Compilations

The light

Up until I met Peter.

"Choose a man that is good for you, Kels. Hindi yung lalaking would trigger you to go back to drinking." he said to me bago humithit sa sigarilyo niya. He puffed the smoke out of his mouth, and I was just in awe while I was staring at him. Alam kong tinatry niyang tigilan ang sigarilyo niya, and I like that he was trying. I always like how his strawberry-scented vape was. He was so handsome to me. He was taller than me. His hair always suits him in a very beautiful manner.

"Hmmm..." I uttered and glanced at the road in front of us.

"You have a habit of attracting friends who only teach you how to self-destruct," he said, and I laughed because I think he was referring to my best friend. Ewan ko lang. Alam mo yung mga taong hindi magkakasundo kahit 'di pa sila nagkikita? Silang dalawa yun, but both parties only want the best for me. I understand how each of them views life. "Happiness is a choice. You are enough, hindi mo lang yan nakikita sa ngayon. You... you are worthy of all the good things in life. You deserve more than a guy like me could provide. You need someone who can be strong for you. 'Wag yung mga lalaking palaging umiinom or those guys who are an example of why you do not need to trust men. 'Wag na dun sa lalaking walang pangarap sa buhay Kels. You need a man who can guide you, who would push you to be better, and who would understand how soft you are. Gosh! If they only knew that you are just wearing this mask because you have no choice but to look tough. Being needy and being soft is not a bad thing."

But I like you, I thought, but was not able to say it out loud.

"Okay," I said and laughed bitterly to hide the bitterness in my throat.

"Let us be serious here," he said at tiningnan ako. "You are still twenty-three years old. It's too early to assume that your life is over. You need to stop these bad habits. You need a stable and mature man, Kels. I wish you all the best. I really do. Kung pwede pa lang..."

My heart hurt because I liked him pero minsan iniisip ko kung gusto ko ba siya dahil he reminds me of my ex, pero hindi eh. Magkaibang-magkaiba sila. Whenever I am with him, ni hindi ko nga naisip si Aaron. He was exactly who I was looking for. If I had the chance to choose a man I could settle with, I would pick him.

Mas matanda siya sa akin. Five years older. He's much taller than me. He has this intimidating aura when he's not smiling, but he's very jolly when you get to know him. He was a man who was always grounded and stable. Although he was willing to give me what I want, he always pushes me to be better. No, scratch that... he inspires me to be a better person. He motivates me to have a dream. He's stable and I like his brain and his views on life. His intelligence is admirable, and I look up to him. His voice has a sweet yet commanding quality that appeals to me. There are times when he acts so sweet and then times like this when he's lecturing me, but I like it. I find it hot that someone can talk to me like this. He speaks in a non-insulting way. Yun bang alam mo ang intensyon ay ang pagsabihan ka lang at hindi saktan. I like his voice. I like everything about him.

I would say I was not the kind of woman who would dress up. I am fond of makeup, but it was just in my head to learn how to do it. I am always the kind of woman who wears jeans and a shirt. This slowly changed because of him. I don't know... I felt like I needed to try and be attractive. Hindi naman niya hinihingi sa akin. I just want to look good for myself and for him. Yung babaeng ayaw magdress at mag make up ay natutunan ng magskirt at magdress. Heck! I don't even wear anything sexy, but because I want to look good and appealing, I just do it. It was awkward as hell at first pero nasanay na rin. It made me feel good about myself and I realized that I wasn't doing it for him anymore. It became a part of my daily routine. It became who I was. My motivation for doing it is solely because it makes me feel good and confident.