wistful kisses

KIARA

It is maddening. His kiss. His touch. Him as the whole fucking entity. It's like he's not kissing me, he's claiming me. owning me. And he's not even apologetic for it ; as if it's his birthright to kiss me and claim as his own. He holds me by the waist while his other hand reaches up my nape and grabs it in a possessive hold. I can't fight this after all it was me who gave it up all. It was sickening. the chemistry between us. The random zaps of electricity that went through my body at mere touches. My logical part of the brain was tired searching for all the logical reasonings for every act this man does and every reaction i give him which i never imagined myself doing. It was time that i just let go. Even if it's for a tiny moment. i wanted to let go; because holding everything was suffocating me. The same could be said about the kiss that he's claiming; but it's the sweet type of suffocation, the type which can kill me and I'll still be thankful to have it as my last. and this thought alone scares the shit out of me. All this is so wrong, it shouldn't have been turned out to be like this. I wasn't supposed to be his fiancé, all I had to do was  to earn enough to so I can take care of my sisters away from all this. I'll worry  about those things later, right now i need to feel this. It's been a long time since I've let go, and felt freedom. Freedom from my damning thoughts. I didn't noticed when my legs got wrapped around his waist and my hands are resting on his broad shoulders. This man can totally pass as a model. his teeth nibbles on my bottom lips before he thrusts his tongue inside my mouth. My fingers dig in the hard ridges of his shoulders for support. My head is turning dizzy from all the sensory overload. It's like he is everywhere even in the air i breathe. His hands sneaks under my shirt where my top meets my pants. i hiss in a breath when his rough hands contact with my softer skin. Shaurya pulls away and i am missing his lips already. I am disoriented but i do catch that sinister smirk forming on his face before his face becomes a void of any emotions. everything except his eyes become emotionless. I might as well be looking at a statue if his eyes weren't proving his humanity. those two are like the fucking black hole which will swallow everything in it's reach. there is myriad of emotions swirling in his eyes. anger, pain, and concern ? 

"you've gotten yourself in a big trouble, princess." he motions at the reflection of us in the mirror. 

I don't get to think more before he picks me up and i hide my face in the crook of his neck. My eyes are closed when he starts lowering me down and my feet touches the cold marble floor. Once I am properly standing , that's when I open my eyes and the first thing I notice is that I am swaying and only Shaurya's hold on my elbow is keeping me grounded. I am standing in front of the bath tub and that alone is the size of small pool and I am not even exaggerating. Before I can register anything else my insides are filled with fresh fragrance of roses and is that .......cinnamon ? I see the hint of foam swirling in the bath tub and all the while, Shaurya is standing right next to me letting me gather my thoughts on my own and I am seriously thankful for it.  "Did you just prepared a -" a start to ask but get cut off when his hot husky voice appears "Go in there, it will help with the pain." I am still reeling from all the events that took place in the last uhh was it 20 mins ? because it sure as hell felt like an eternity to me.  Pushing away all the thoughts I decide to use the bath because who knows when Mr. Devil decide to flip back to his usual a-hole self.

I am almost dousing off right in the tub because the hell......it feels too good to get out from it. I hear a knock on the door and a throat clearing and from the huskiness I know he's here. What does he want now ? "I still doubt , how did you manage to get your job ? Because I suppose a knock means permission to get in which you have to either allow or not. " The irritation in his voice is super clear. Oh the asshole is back. I am so tempted to tell him to just fuck off but I don't. "You - you can come in" as soon as I hear his footsteps, that's when I realize that I am completely naked although most of my skin isn't visible because of the foam in the tub but still I did make a huge mistake. Why do I become exactly insane as soon as this idiot comes in the picture. Soon he's standing in front of me and I instantly lower my gaze afraid what I'll see in his eyes. hate ? disgust ? He might think that I am one of those girls who keep up there moral compass in front of everyone and once they manage to get a rich man they forget everything and practically become whores for the money of those men. How can I let this upon myself ? Angry tears start welling up in my eyes and I am not angry at him but myself. I feel disgusted from my own self. After that day with those monsters in that dark place. Those , those scars. Those whips. The way my eyes suck on their own tears because every time a  tear fell, there was a punishment . Strong hands hold my chin and angle my head upwards. I look in those eyes again. The eyes which are darker than the blackhole itself ; black like his soul ; black like that blank space somewhere inside me. He's looking me as if I am a puzzle he can't solve or he doesn't want to solve because he knows once he solves it, he won't be able to get the experience of solving it again. " Should I call the doctor ?" he says it so softly that it takes me a solid second to register what he's talking and another moment to realize what he is talking about. 

"I am not what you think of me." I don't know why I say that and why I am willing to explain things to a person I loathed from the moment I met him. He just stares at me for long seconds.