SIN: Valeria Caruso

19: Ragdoll

Valeria

"Umalis na si Liv?" I asked Auntie while I'm preparing my baon for work. She purred contentedly as she drank chamomile tea from a cup decorated with blossoms.

"Nagmamadali pa nga kanina, 'eh ang aga-aga pa naman. Biruin mo, wala pa'ng alas-siete nakaalis na siya?" nakapameywang niyang sabi sa akin habang nakasandal sa sink. "I told her to have breakfast first. But she replied, saying she'll just eat at work. She said she has a lot of things to finish."

"She's really getting busy these days."

It dawned on me because she's not getting home early like she used to. Ako na sadyang late na talaga kung umuwi, nagugulat ako na kapag dumadating ako sa bahay ay parang kararating niya lang din. Thus, I would mention to her that she's getting more wrapped up in work once again, and she'd just give a brief confirmation. Naturally, I inquire about her day, how it went ----- and although she does answer, it's often with a weary tone.

I've previously reminded her not to exhaust herself too much. Maigi pa rin na naipag-b-balanse niya ang lahat. Yet, lately, it's becoming clear to me why she's increasing her workload. Kung hindi man ako nagkakamali, alam kong konektado iyon sa kasal nila ni Zevran.

"Gano'n talaga kapag mag-aasawa na, Valeria. You have to work hard to save up. Not just for the wedding, but for their future children," Auntie said.

I indulged in a sip of black coffee, I knew it.

Auntie placed the cup in the sink after finishing it. Then she faced me.

"Maybe you should also try finding someone to marry," nangingiti ang labi niya pero natutunugan kong seryoso siya. "Hindi na uso 'yung mga sinasabi nilang maghintay." ngumiwi si auntie. "Kalokohan 'yon." 

Mapait akong ngumiti at bumuntong-hininga. Almost everyone is pushing me to get married. But somehow... I don't know why... I'm not ready yet.

"...Hindi ka magkakaroon kung wala kang gagawin. Sa panahon ngayon, wala na dapat pang paligoy-ligoy. Kung gusto mo ----- gawin mo ---- ipaglaban mo hanggang sa makuha mo."

"Pero paano kung ayaw ko pa?" mahina kong sabi kay auntie. Her face turned bitter, as if she had just tasted bitter gourd.

"Umamin ka nga, Valeria, nagkakagusto ka ba sa lalaki o ------ "

My eyes widened. "Auntie, please..." I bit my lower lip as she scrutinized me. "...of course."

She appeared to be reassured, and I simply breathed out. I harbor no issues regarding someone's gender. Whether heterosexual or not, it's all acceptable. As long as no harm is done, individuals are free to love and be attracted to whomever they choose.

"Do you still feel attracted to them?"

I nodded.

"Sa kasalukuyan... meron ba?"

I stole a quick look at Auntie. Her gaze was penetrating, analyzing me thoroughly. Feeling uneasy, I swallowed hard as thoughts of Zevran suddenly flooded my mind. I averted my eyes and looked away, pretending to fetch a drink.