SIN: Valeria Caruso

31: Letting Go

Zevran

On a Friday morning at exactly eight o'clock, I messaged Livia to meet at a café. It's a place we often go to because she loves the drinks they serve there. Makikipagkita ako sa kaniya sa kadahilanang sasabihin ko na sa kanya ang totoo.

Matagal ko nang gustong putulin ang ugnayan sa kaniya. When we started our relationship, I knew it was against my will, but I agreed for the sake of my family, the hospital, and even my reputation, as they say. Kahit paulit - ulit sinasabi ng konsensya ko na mali na ang lahat sa umpisa pa lang. Pero nang malaman ko na gusto pala ako ni Livia, tuluyan na akong hindi naka - kilos. That's when I lost control and forgot what I should have been doing right because I felt sorry for Livia.

Minsan kong naisip na bakit hindi ko siya subukang gustuhin? I hope maybe I'd get serious with Livia. That this time, it would work out. Pangmatagalan.

But after a month of hanging out, exchanging casual texts, and driving her to work, I don't know why I don't feel anything special for her. I care about Livia and treat her well because she does the same for me. Walang dahilan para hindi ako mahulog sa kaniya.

Pero hindi nangyari. Even if I tried to think of her as my girlfriend, I couldn't. Dahil walang tumitibok. Wala akong kiliting nararamdaman. Tanging kasiyahan lang na galing sa isang kaibigan.

Until I found out that her sister was the girl I slept with nine months ago. Something I never expected to happen. And I certainly didn't expect the strange effect Valeria left on me that day. I have a suspicion it's not just because of our encounter nine months ago, something difficult to explain that I'll only find out if I let fate continue to intertwine us.

In that moment, as we talked in her house, my heart and mind began to give me subtle hints. When I looked into her hazel almond eyes that day, I thought it was normal to admire them and wanted to reach the point of praising her. In truth, that wasn't the only beautiful thing about her. It just happened to be my favorite part of her face.

I thought just because I always thought of her and dreamed of her, I wanted something to happen between us again. Because she was also the reason why I had to bathe in freezing cold water as early as five in the morning. My desire was seeking her out. Siya lang ang nagiging dahilan ng pagpintig ng pagkalalaki ko. I constantly find myself in situations I never expected to be in because of her.

But, damn, I became fond of her. I just realized I've become down bad for her. I became so obsessed with her in a good way. All because of that beautiful CEO.

I didn't even try or force it, in fact, I resisted it too much. But Valeria... she swept me off my feet.

Hindi ko kailanman pinagsisihan na naging parte siya ng buhay ko at nagustuhan ko siya. Damn. I'd risk everything, even my life, for her. I'll let her take me whenever she wants, and even if she doesn't command me, I'll follow her automatically.

I know it's not just a physical attraction anymore; she already has a special place in my heart. Mas tumatagal, mas lalo ko siyang gustong respetuhin at pahalagahan. I've imagined her as the mother of my future children, and I want to take care of her for the rest of our lives. I already have so many wonderful plans that I want to do with her.

"Zevran?" I glance ahead. I see Livia smiling at me, hurrying towards me, and I stand up. "I've missed you!" she says, reaching out to kiss my cheek. We both sit down facing each other.