NOT MY ALPHA {+18}

Mackenzie

I banged on my chest to dislodge the grape before glancing up at Ryken who was smirking at me. Shit, I had to answer first.

"Uh, define Partner? Like boyfriend, relationship partner, or just in general how many have I slept with?" I asked.

There was a moment of tense silence before the voice answered.

"General."

"Oh. Uhm. A lot? I don't remember. Sorry is that answer allowed?" I asked, uncomfortable answering in front of Ryken.

He would judge my number, he wouldn't understand what I had to do to survive.

"More specific," the voice said and I let out a breath, grabbing the water and then clearing my throat.

"Uh, 34 -roughly," I said quietly, hating that I was ashamed for surviving. Some of those partners had been the difference between life and death. Literally.

Ryken didn't look angry or judgmental though, only surprised, his brow raised before he sipped his coffee.

"72 women," he said, and honestly, I thought his number would be higher.

"Have you ever had an STD?"

"No," I said immediately, always strict on condoms and no oral.

"No," Ryken said but again, I wasn't surprised. Werewolves couldn't contract human STDs. Their bodies healed them too fast.

"Have you ever produced a child?"

My heart stopped, that prickly skin coming back as I took a sip of my water. These questions were more than personal, they were reading the darkest secrets of my soul and I hated it.

"I uh," I paused, trying to say the words that felt like a boulder in my throat. Ryken frowned at me, curiosity glazing over those green eyes of his and I looked down at my water. I didn't want his sympathy or pity. "I was pregnant but lost the baby."

"Was the father a human or werewolf?"

"A werewolf I think. It was uh... non-consensual so I don't remember for sure," I murmured, not looking at Ryken, the tension too thick in the air.

"The baby was lost to natural causes?"

I scoffed, "No. It was...it wasn't a miscarriage," I muttered bitterly, tears stinging at my eyes and throat. I chugged back some water, wishing it was alcohol then leaned back in the chair.

"Was there permanent damage?"

I shook my head.

"No, I still bleed every month and my checkups have been clear," I said, my body and mind trying to sink into the numb place where I couldn't feel anything or anyone.

"I'm sorry that happened to you," Ryken's voice was surprisingly soft and I looked up at him, not seeing the pity I thought would be there, only a sadness that I felt in my soul.

Like he really was sorry. He should be. His fucking pack had done it and I bet he had been the one to give the order.

Instead of snapping at him, I simply nodded and waited for the next question.

"Do you use contraception?" The voice asked.

"The pill. Condoms." I answered.

"Condoms," Ryken answered after me.

"Do you experience the heat?"

"Yes," I replied meeting Ryken's gaze, that one surprising him as much as it did the other wolves.

It was a very painful time for me-humans were not enough and my body ached like all hell every single heat because no wolf would touch me.

Unless I counted the one that had knocked me up. He was a rogue but he was hired and I couldn't remember exactly what he had done so it didn't count.