In a World without God

Chapter 70

The grave was small and shabby. It looked like ants or moles had gnawed through it. A cross made of two wooden sticks stood in the mound. Edulis stood before the cross and bowed his head.

"Bosha...."

Laotou bowed her head behind him. There was no time, but the words "no time" didn't come out of her mouth. Aruru considered Laotou god. He believed he was carrying on his mother's will by contributing to the coming of Lutea's world. And now Aruru was dead, not by the hand of a witch's minion, but by a human.

Like Laotou, Shamas and Murjana could not rush Edulis.

Edulis glared at the mound, hating the fact that it was Leaf who made it. He hated the fact that Leaf had brought Aruru here from Agade, and he hated the fact that he hadn't been there when Raghad had swung his sword or when Leaf had made the mound.

Why did things always turn out for the worst? Raghad and Aruru wished to live in Lutea's world and did their best with that hope, but why did everything go awry? Was it because Lutea is not in this world?

"Damn."

Edulis muttered a small word and shifted his gaze to the crucifix. He saw a small piece of paper wrapped around the cross. He picked it up, unwrapped it, and read it.

- Whoever reads this letter, I would appreciate it if you would let Enri, Marie, Shuri, and Harsh read it.

It was a letter from Raghad. It began,

- This is not a suicide note. Nor is it an apology. It's something more like an excuse, written in defense of my foolishness and cowardice.

Edulis continued to read.

- When I saw the wounds inflicted on Methena... no, by something imitating Methena, I knew it was the work of the two who claimed to be apostles. Filled with rage, I approached them with bated breath to attack them, but then I heard a conversation between the Apostles and Edulis. I listened and understood. Edulis had protected Methena's soul, and Kurzina had died at the hands of Leaf.

- I knew then. I realized that I didn't find my newfound knowledge surprising at all. In fact, in the back of my mind, I'd been expecting it. And then it hit me. Methena's wound was strange. It was a grievous wound, but how could she have fought two of Lutea's apostles and come away with nothing but a scratch? It was obvious, but I was too blinded by my anger to see it.

- I think all humans are like that. We are afraid to look into our own hearts, so we look for easy targets to blame. We find comfort in blaming and resenting others. I did the same thing. I closed my eyes, closed my ears, and blamed only Edulis. It seemed justified. The enemy who killed Methena, who killed Kurzina... There was such an easy reason.

Edulis was fine with that. He wanted everyone to stay that way.

- I swung my sword because I couldn't stand Aruru creating a crack in that simplicity, but that was just childish anger. What I really resented was myself. For not being there for Methena's death, for not noticing Kurzina's heart, for all I can do is look back with hindsight and regret....

Edulis felt the same regret. These thoughts swirled in his mind. Could there have been a choice where Metena, Kurzina, and Aruru didn't have to die?

- Enri, I saw it. I saw you stop your sword. I saw the hesitation in your heart. Mari, Shuri, Harsh, right now you have the same feelings in your hearts as I do. You are afraid to blame yourself, so you run to hate and resentment. There is a blindness, a refusal to see what is around you. That is why you could not and would not stop me from killing Aruru. You must shed that mind. For the end result of that mind is what I am now. You have all seen my ugly end, my ridiculous end.