Beastly Desires

Chapter Thirty

"Colette." Sébastien strode over to her from his lounge at one of the swing trellises.

He noted the heavy, purple cloak she wore over a deep green gown and lilac colored skirts. God, she was stunning. Her face was flushed from the cold and wisps of her hair fell from her braided crown in loose ringlets that framed her cheeks. He could admire her all day long if he didn't have the urge to...

"Sébastien. What are you doing in the gardens so early?"

Sébastien batted away the impure thought and met her at a trellis down from his. Frozen vines interlocked around the iron arch, shielded under a blanket of snow.

"I came from the watchtower." He gestured over his shoulder to the towering, stone outlook positioned at the corner of the castle's outer walls.

"Oh. Where you resting your feet?"

"No. No, I was thinking. I like to sit for a while and watch the sunrise. This trellis offers a good view." He motioned to the golden swing hanging from another snow capped trellis.

He found peace watching the sun rise everyday. Normally from his study in the west tower of course, but since Colette's arrival he's had to retreat to the watchtower in the evening.

"What were you thinking about?" Deep interest showed in her frosty, blue eyes and he felt like she could read his very soul.

"I... was thinking about you."

Colette blinked with surprise.

Holding back the truth seemed impossible with her. She made him want to bare his entire heart out to her. He couldn't seem to hide his feelings for her. His masking of them thus far was slowly crumbling.

"Oh." Was all she said.

"I- I was thinking about you and your father and his unfortunate condition." He added.

"Oh." She grimaced. "I- I see. I promise you we will depart as soon as he's able to... to, well... I guess when his back is no longer an issue. His other problem... I'm honestly unsure how to... I don't know what to do." She said, tearsley, looking down at the ground.

Niel had informed him of his new condition. Sébastien spited himself for locking the poor man in a cell and letting him slowly die. He thought he was doing him a favor, a comfort of sorts to die in a somewhat better place than at the unforgiving teeth and claws of wolves. His humanity had been at such a low point. He blamed himself for her fathers condition.

"You needn't worry about the future. It is impossible to know what tomorrow might bring. I thought I was to live out the rest of my life alone and embrace the beast I had become. But then you found your way to me and... and I- I never felt more alive."

He prayed he wasn't a fool for telling her that small truth. He never felt more alive in the past few days since her being here. Hadn't felt the desire to live beyond what he was for a long time now until he met her. She awakened something in him the past couple of days and it started to feel like hope.

"I came here because you were keeping my father. In a cell. Waiting for him to die. I did not come for you."

Shame washed over him at her steely truth. He didn't deserve whatever pity she might have felt for him yesterday in that foyer. For all he knows she told him exactly what he wanted to hear. Maybe those words were spoken out of fear and not from some small piece of her heart.

"I know." He said gruffly.

A brisk current of air whipped across the trellis knocking down snow. Colette bristled as the snow pelted her across the face and shoulders. He instinctively reached out to brush the snow away but she retracted at the sight of his paw, subtle panic setting into her eyes.

"Hmph." He snuffed, feeling if not slightly offended by her reaction. He yanked his hand away, fisting it at his side. So then, he guessed his honesty wasn't as forthcoming as he had hoped it would be. He would forever be a monster in her eyes. A beast who crippled her fathers life. Who could end her own life in one precise swipe of his claws.

Her face softened some and the flush in her cheeks deepened. "I- I should leave."

Leave. That's what she wanted to do the most. "Of course." He gritted out, looking anywhere but at her.
Colette had not moved yet and he could feel her eyes on him. Did she find his fur to be ugly? Did she find his face to be disgusting? The scales that padded his hands, a disturbing twist of nature? She did not know about the scales that also flowed across his chest and abdomen, tapering down into the waistband of his trousers.

"Do you find me to be hideous?" He snarled, softly.

Colette gulped and he practically felt every muscle in her body tense. Her eyes roamed over his body. He wore his blue tunic and trousers today. He hadn't bothered to put on his belt and felt the wind whip up the ends of his shirt.

Her eyes found his again and he shrank beneath her stare.

"No." She breathed. "I find every inch of you to be fascinating and unparalleled to the things of nature that I've seen. Yes, you are a beast. Every movement of your body. Every lethal, predatory step you take is part beast. Y- your claws. They are meant to kill, to ravage. Your horns. Two beautiful, obsidian points of carnage. Every ripple of muscle your body is clad in declares dominance. Your eyes... twin flames that burn with life, rage, desire... sadness. Even your face is alluring. So human, yet so beastly. I do not think you're hideous. I would not paint a hideous thing."

Sébastien was taken back by her words. "You would like to paint me?"

Colette shyly looked down at her feet. "I wanted to paint you the first time I saw you."

A wave of emotion gripped him and he dug his talons into the snowy earth to keep him upright. He wished he had paints and linens to give to her at his disposal but he burned those along with everything else that reminded him of his family, of the life that once bustled within the castle walls.

"Would charcoal and parchment suffice ? I think I would enjoy being drawn by you. I haven't had a portrait done of myself since before the curse."

Colette smiled briefly before losing herself to thought. "Yes. I will need some small linens of course to smudge and blend with. We would need to do it somewhere with lots of light, preferably candle light. Its flame offers interesting shadows. Would you want me to draw you standing or sitting? However you'd like to be drawn, I will leave that up to you." Her calm excitement set his heart racing.

Sébastien nodded. "I'll inform Niel to bring the supplies you need up to my study. If that's okay with you I'd prefer to be drawn up there. It's where I feel the most comfortable."

Colette moistened her lips as her eyes set into a frosty determination. The small act made him weak in the knees.

"Urhm- when shall we do this?" He mumbled.

"Evening. When the sun is setting and its last rays of light illuminate the space."

"Shall we have dinner together in the study then?"

Colette stiffened once more.

"O- only as not to have to travel far after eating. We would already be where we are needed, b- but if you don't want to..." Sébastien scrambled to smooth over the intimate suggestion.

"No. It's fine. We can have dinner in the study." She gave him a pert nod.

"Alright then. I'll have Beatrice set up dinner just before sunset. Do you remember how to find your way to the west tower?"

"Yes, I remember."

They stood there in silence for a minute. Neither of them stared at the other for too long. The sun had finally risen and its beaming rays were illuminating the snow in a glittering haze. She looked beautiful standing beneath the trellis. The sun had formed a halo around her head. Her dark hair seemed to attract the golden light and his eyes fell to her mouth and studied its perfect bow and fullness. He wondered if she tasted as sweet as her tear that he licked up yesterday in the foyer.

His body of its own accord moved forward to stand with her beneath the trellis. She did not retreat this time as he brought his paw up and used the back of it to push away a remaining dusting of snow from her face. He could hear her heart hammering away beneath her cloak with how close he stood to her. He wondered if she could hear his heart beating just the same.