Hello, again. It's been a while since I've wrote, huh? Can I even count this as writing since it's really only typing from some phone device. There wasn't much I could write. After a while, it all just.. becomes the same old. Like at school, with grades and some students that some I'm fond with. But some.. I'm not sure if I really like them. But I don't want to come out as bluntly ignorant and rude. Have been doing online school for all of my middle school years. There's been some kind of in-person Wednesday though, so.. there's something. But I can't tell if it only makes things worse. Don't get me wrong, I like going in person. But.. I may seem like a social butterfly, but sometimes, I see myself as some awkward and an embarrassing teenager no one, not even my own mother at times, wants to be seen with. I can tell the same is with my brother, Ty. But that's because he ruins it all on purpose, starting from the way he acts, flirting with nurses that were already married, being a school drop-out, etc. He bugs mom almost all the time. And yet.. She never said he was an embarrassment, not even once. While me, she just says it out loud for everyone to hear.
That last sentence was a bit exaggerated, but she says it in front of me without much thought. Not that it wasn't unexpected, she always does things without any second thoughts. She's not so hesitant when it comes to what she wants. She asks for EVERYTHING. While she practically flexes that she has more money and "fOoD sTaMpS" to flunk off all she wants. And all she cries about is how dad and Ty annoy her. Like when she got mad at my dad for giving Grandpa twenty bucks. It was for what THEY BOTH OWE. But nOoOo.. she wants it ALL. She's practically selfish, and she doesn't see it, nor does she even try to. She's wasteful about all of her money, using it all to gamble on her game. Worsley, she's trying to make me out to be a liar. She needed money for a background application for an apartment complex. Instead of maybe explaining her situation, she wants ME to LIE to my other set of Grandparents. I can see why, but I didn't want to. Even though I tried reasoning, she started to play the guilt trip card, and I had no choice but to lie to her. She almost quickly caught that though, and she lectured ME. ME ABOUT LYING TO HER?? When she wants me to do the SAME. EXACT. THING.
.. I'm getting a bit over myself here. But it's normal. School, my parents arguing and yelling to a point my grandparents' neighbors across probably could hear. It's all the same. It's nothing new.
I'm exactly like my mother. I'm a selfish, immature boy, who will never learn to grow. Up. I'm exactly like my brother. I'm going to end up being a school dropout and will never succeed in life because of my decisions.
Why? How come? All I wanted was to be a great kid. But by trying to do that, I ended up being an embarrassment and a problem child to my family. Why? Why? Just why?
It's not like I can do anything about it. All I can really do is just live with it. What's the point in complaining like a brat? That'll only make me like my mother even more if I had complained.
I'm sorry.
