I'm a brat. That's all I ever will be. A goddamn useless brat. Today was Thanksgiving. A day where you're supposed to be thankful for everything. But what? What could I be grateful for? Living? My family is still the same. The fighting and everything. My mom is still as naive as she always was, and she doesn't see it. She doesn't want anything to do with MY point of view. No, instead, she just wants everything her way. When I went to get dad for his shower at around 6 PM, I decided to visit mom so I could try to bond with her again. Of course, it didn't go well. She brought up that I needed a haircut. I can see why, but I didn't want one. So, when I tried to gently reason with her as possible, she only ignored my request and went on about not wanting me to look like a "girl" or some bum on the street. What the hell? I take care of myself just fine. I even say all kinds of good things about her!.. just for a mom who doesn't want anything to do with me other than maybe a perfect picture and to look like a good, responsible woman. All because I said I didn't want my hair cut yet. Why? Why am I a brat?
Maybe I get it from my mother. But then again, she won't believe it if I did tell her. She sees herself as a responsible, grown woman when in reality, she's practically like a spoiled kid in an around 40 year old body. And she won't reason with anyone. Not even me.
I'm only just sounding more like a brat, aren't I? Just by writing this?... I'm not sure if I can tell my friends, as they will comfort me.. and I'll just feel bad that I can't do the same, not as great as they do. I'm not a very reliable person.. and yet, I don't have much choices. There's no good adults out there that won't tell anyone because it's the purpose of their job, or anything. Only us kids. Us kids. We can only really rely on our own comfort and whatever fantasy books and video games or whatever interest we have to use for entertainment and comfort to block our minds away from the real problematic world we live in.
I'm sorry. But who could I say sorry to? No one is there. Not for me, at least. Maybe it's a good thing, though.
