I see my best friend hanging out with another one of "our" friends. It's really only hers. She's hanging out with her this late?? And didn't bother trying to ask me? Did she think I wasn't up? Did she think I would be bothered by it? Or did she think something bad would happen if I was there? Sure, we haven't talked with each other in a while, but.. she hasn't forgotten about me already, has she? I'm her best friend, her brother, of course she didn't!.. right? I mean.. come on! Maybe she just wants to hang out with her instead of me more!.. that didn't help at all in terms of reassurance, but.. she can't JUST hang out with me constantly, I'd get boring after a while, right?... right?... even though she has messaged me a few times in the past days, I still feel she.. doesn't want to hang out with me. And now, I see her with "our" other friends. I barely know her, she knows her more than I do, and it makes me feel.. off. Milo wouldn't ever forget me, right? Please tell me she didn't. Please. Please.
Sometimes I wonder if she reads these. If she does, will she just consider me pathetic for talking like this? Like I'm a jealous friend, a jealous brother?.. wouldn't put it past.
Maybe she'll ask someday. She will. She won't forget about me.
I hope.
Maybe my paranoia has gotten up ever since that weird dream I had. It's vague, but I can almost remember it clearly, like if it was really something that happened. I just know it was not good. From what I can remember, which was really only the bad parts, Milo abandoned me, and my grandma, at least, that's who it looked like in my dream, despised my guts. She even tried to strangle me in that dream, and when I tried to get out, I was called "childish" or something. As if fighting for my life was something that made me be seen as a 3 year old throwing a tantrum..
...
How weird, Huh?
As expected, when I woke up, my heart was beating faster than I ever knew. It's been a long time since I've ever had a nightmare, or anything close to one that scared me. And it suddenly happened?.. Is it one of the dreams that's trying to tell me it's going to happen in the future? I think the grandma one was exaggerated in my dream, but it clearly had meaning to.. something about what I do fight for, and what happens constantly in my household. I'm.. not sure about the first part, though. My best friend leaving me... I don't want that to become reality. Maybe I should try harder to socialize with her? I could try.. maybe.
(And I don't telling her that I love her for being my best friend was a good start, but it's something. I'll figure it out. I always do, don't I?)
