Today I snapped. At everybody. My family. My grandma, my mom, a little bit of my brother, Ty..
I suppose not everyone, I didn't say anything to Grandpa, he just watched some of it. Probably heard it. And my dad wasn't here when it happened, but I'm sure my dad knows now, because mom or grandma told him. For once, my mother actually tried to ground me. She took my phone away, but that was about it. Not that much of a punishment, since I had all the other forms of entertainment, like video games, but.. it was something. She was somewhat starting to be a mother now. But it didn't last long, either.
To avoid being worried about Milo, I slept it off. Basically slept this entire day. If they expect me to apologize, I'm not really going to. They never do, why should I?.. But yet again.. perhaps that makes me just as bad. But in my eyes, I want them to realize just how bad I see it, and in order to, I've got to ACT as bad as they are. Perhaps a stupid idea, but I don't think it even worked. Probably because they see themselves as 'oH sOooO hElPlEsS vIcTiMs'. They don't realize how bad they are. When will they? Do I need to be blunt with it? Didn't exactly work out, either.. clearly.
Today was a terrible day. School wasn't any better, as I was alone, AGAIN, despite trying to socialize. Then, In math, students got grouped, and I ended up slowing down my group in mathematics because I didn't understand it. I just saw they were giving answers to the other kid, so I thought I could get it, too. Catch up with the others. But the kid who showed the answers got annoyed by that. Guess he wasn't as fond of me as I thought he was. Of course I had be grouped with that one kid, A. He gets so easily annoyed by everyone, it's laughable. And of course, he makes comments. He just can't keep shut. Yet again, who am I to say anything?
I guess, mixed in with the isolation and loneliness, after school, when I was trying to help Milo, I got scared, and stressed, and finally.. I just snapped at everyone. Got 'grounded'.. and just slept the rest of the day. And my mom still thinks it has something to do with the school but it's NOT. I probably need to come up with something soon, before she comes to school with me to talk to teachers or something.
I also need to apologize to Milo, which I have done, but I'm not sure if she saw it, yet...
I am still not going to apologize to my family though. Just to prove a point that they don't even see.
I suppose some of it was my fault. At least, I feel like it. But I am still determined to hold up to my word. I am not apologizing.
