I'm scared. Why am I? They said they wouldn't. Why am I so worried about them if I know they won't ever go away on purpose? They won't, right? Yet.. the very thought SCARES me. It almost makes me want to scream, despite it not even happening yet. I see they're not doing good. I don't want to ask, though. What if they play it all off? They have a habit of JOKING. About. It. And it angers me. But I can't show it. It'll ruin it all if I do. I only try to convince them again and again. But does it even go through their head? Do they even listen? Why do they see themselves as that? Why do they think they're the worse human being when they aren't? Do I even continue this sentence? What is the point? They won't stop. They won't, will they? No matter how many times they say, they are going to. Again. And again. And again. Do they even regret it? Do they even regret treating themselves so badly? Does it help? Does the PAIN HELP YOU SO MUCH?!
And I can't do anything about it. Worse of all, I can't. They can be doing it behind my very back and I wouldn't know. I'm a scared little coward. Do they HAVE to be GONE to realize how much they mean to people?! TO ME?! What can I do?! Why can't I do anything to help?? Is it because I don't know what to say?? Is it because what I say isn't really helpful?! Have I been some guy that's been annoying you very single day?! Am I boring your day because I don't joke about everything like THEM?! WELL, I'M SORRY, ALRIGHT?!
.. Oh, who am I kidding.. saying sorry won't do shit. All I can do is just lay in bed and fear. Fear that if they continue with this self hatred and violence.. they'll end up gone.
So.. I suppose I'll just act fine. Act as happy and healthy I can be. That's what I'm known for, right? A logical guy with smartass jokes! Everyone I know loves 'em!... I'll just keep it up! Yeah! That won't go wrong!... Totally won't!.. maybe I shouldn't. But I can't show why I'm so worried either. I need to help others more! I'm helpful! I can be!
