I made a bet with my mom yesterday that if I were to be as clean as my mom wanted me to be, and I would wear a different hoodie, I would get a compliment. If I got complimented by a student, my mom won and I would have to apologize to her. But if I didn't, I would get an easy 20 bucks. I almost wanted my mother to be right, though. Not because of me being clean and all, but because I would get a compliment. If I got one, someone actually cared enough to say something nice, as weird as that sounds. But I really doubt it. No one at my school is as social as I am, Which, ends up me being alone the entire day. That's what's been happening these recent Wednesdays. I end up alone. Eating lunch on a table with no one but me. Sometimes, teachers would sit with me out of pity. Today was no different. I talked with my counselor that I usually talk to on Wednesdays about the isolation and loneliness I've been feeling during a long game of uno. It felt nice. The only compliment I got was from three school workers, one from my counselor, one from my social studies teacher, and one I had forgotten. Near the end of the school day, a girl told me I was a "chill dude". I shouldn't have told my mom that, cause she bragged about it all ride.. and I did it again. I snapped at my mom and grandma again. I'm starting to hate these in-person days. The whole reason why I wanted to go in person was so I wouldn't feel so isolated at my own house. And yet, it all happened again AT THAT SCHOOL. I got brushed off, ignored, and I was lonely. All again but in a different building and different people. I snapped again this time only because of that. I'm getting sick and tired of being the more mature one in my family. And yet, I have no choice. No one else will even try. I hate it all. Can someone please STEP UP? Not JUST me? I'm a CHILD. I shouldn't be doing this. Yet, I am, and I ended up snapping again. This is already the second time since the last in person Wednesday, April 16th. I'm starting to think I shouldn't go in person anymore. But I won't have a choice on that, either. They already said I can't go online anymore. Not at that school, anyway. It'll happen again, and again, and again, and again. I hate this. I hate how I'm acting. I was supposed to be BETTER. Not WORSE. Not worse than them. Grandma was right. I am a hypocrite. I try to help everyone right their wrongs when I'm no better myself. Is this supposed to be a test? How much I can take? I'm tried of everyone and everything. I hate it. I hate it. I HATE IT.
