The Secret Life Of The American Teenager [SEASON 6] Together Forever

Episode 17: the secret letter

Amy was back in New York and in her condo.
When she arrived she threw her bags in a corner in the hallway. She walked to her couch and laid down. She tried to relax but she couldn't.

When she took her phone she had at least 25 missed calls from her parents.
She didn't want to call them back.
She knows for sure her parents had found her letter, or Ricky?
She just needed to get away from him.

New York is the perfect place to hide or to run away from problems. She may have ran away from her problems but, she can't run away from her responsibilities as a mother and a pregnant young woman.
She went to her first doctor's appointment with her mom. At first when she got there at the doctor's office, she wasn't excited to see the baby or to be involved in her unborn baby's life. She was confused and felt pressured to become a mother again. And she just did it because she had to.
But after looking at the screen and being involved with her baby's life for the first time, her heart melted.
She remembered the days when she was fiftheen-years-old. She would go to doctor's appointments with her mom and Ben.

Amy just wished, Ricky would be as responsible as he was, when they were still together.

Amy feels like she keeps making bad choices and mistakes. But maybe, now being alone in her condo. She finally has the time to take care of herself and her pregnancy. She hasn't even had a chance to take the vitamines her doctor gave her.
She felt powerless. And she wanted to feel strong and happy, but she couldn't.

It was all too much.
Too many things to figure out and think about.

She stood up and walked to her room, she took her diary out of the closet. She hadn't wrote in her diary since the day she left New York to go back to California.

She looked at the diary for a few seconds, just to absorb the strength, she used to have. She missed what she felt like before all of this. She missed the feeling of starting a new life. The feeling of being independent.

She walked to her bed and laid down. She opened her diary and saw the last page she ever wrote.
"Let's fill this thing." She thought.

"Dear Diary (i guess)
Look, I don't want to do an abortion or give the baby up for adoption because i know it wouldn't be right. Not for me, not for Ricky and not for my unborn baby.
Because i also kept John when i was fiftheen-years-old. And i had everything to lose back then.
I don't really have anything to lose right now. Only going to college here. I'm gonna miss going to college here. New York is amazing. I wish i could stay here. But i know i have to be there for my baby.
So why wouldn't i keep this baby? I just have no right, to keep one and give away the other one, just because i want to go to college in New York?
I know how to take care of a baby. I really do. I know all the pressure it takes to be a mom. I know what it feels like to wake up every two-hours at night. I know how to change diapers, how to breastfeed, how to handle a sick baby. I know every aspect of being a mom. And a baby really is a beautiful thing. And after being involved with my baby's life for the first time, my mind completely changed. I changed.
I don't really want to be a mom again but, it could be worse, right?
And i only wish i was older, not in college anymore, had a proper job... And that i was married, to the right guy.
But the thing is, once again.
That i just don't really want to be a mom again.
And also because, i really feel alone in all of this... Or i want be alone.
But running away to New York isn't the answer. I know that.
But on the other hand, going to college until i reach my sixth month of pregnancy and than to transfer school's is an option... And the only option i got.
I just wish things will work out.
I want to be excited about being pregnant and having a baby again, but i can't.
I'm not happy about this, but i have to accept it, and i will accept it.
Because it's my baby...
And i'm going to be just fine.
I'm almost 13 weeks pregnant, but i don't really feel pregnant.
I only have a little bit of the morning sickness..."