The Secret Life Of The American Teenager [SEASON 6] Together Forever

Episode 55: the decision that will stay with us for the rest of our lives

"I don't know why I said that." She said, feeling embarrassed of herself. She hid her face behind soms strains of hair. "You don't have to apologize." He said, looking disappointed. "But you can't just tell me you love me and then change your mind about it. Either you love me or you don't!"

Amy swallowed carefully and looked in his eyes. "I'm an emotional wreck, Ricky. I don't know what to think or say to you. I wish to take the last few moments back, at least for a little while longer." He stood up. "But why wait?" He asked. "I love you and you love me. Why wait?" She immediately shook her head in disbelief. "You love me?" She asked, wanting to hear it one more time to know for sure if she indeed heard that right. "You really LOVE me?"

He nodded. "I do." Ricky sat down on the chair behind him and let out a heavy sigh.

"The thing is." She sighed. "I don't think i'm ready Ricky. I really don't think i am!" She shook her head and gazed out for a second. "I don't even know if you're the one." He looked at her. Shocked. Not expecting this. "There is no such thing as the one. This ain't a movie." He responded back. "Look. I love you, Amy. I really do. And if fairy tale movies were a real thing i could say you were,-" he sighed. "You ARE the one for me!" Amy wiped a tear away.

He took her hands. "We have kids together. We've been through too much. Isn't that enough proof that we're supposed to be together?"
Amy bit her lip and looked at the floor. "It only means we made a mistake. 2 mistakes whom i love dearly. But that doesn't mean i need to be with you just because we have John and I just had Brayleigh...-" She looked up, trying to erase the negative clouding thoughts making its way into her mind. "That's the thing. I just had Brayleigh and she is not okay, Ricky. She really isn't."

"I know this isn't the right time. But it never is. Bad things keep happening to us and we have to start making our own happiness." She wiped a tear away. "I can't be happy if my baby isn't okay. how can you even consider going into a relationship with me after just learning our daughter might have a heart illness?" He shook his head. "That's the thing Amy. She needs us. Both of us. Together." She shook her head and let go of his warm hands. "You know how I feel about being together for the kids. I don't like that."

"You really don't understand do you?" He asked. "I don't want to be with you because we have John and Brayleigh. I want to be with you because I love you. I do. Why won't you believe me?" She looked into his begging looking eyes. She felt sorry for him. and of course she believed him but this felt wrong. All of it. Especially considering the situation they were in right now. "I don't know, Ricky." She sighed and took a sip of her glass water, some water she was longing for. "I need time. I just really don't know if you love me... or if you love me because I'm this sad little girl who just gave birth and had a troubled pregnancy who you feel sorry for." She looked away, down, not facing him anymore. She felt ashamed to think such a thing. He took her chin and made her face him. "I don't think you're a sad little girl who just gave birth, who I feel sorry for. I really don't!" After letting out a heavy sigh he continued. "I just happen to really love you for who you are. Who you became. This amazing young, strong mother who almost sacrificed her entire body to bring our baby into this world. You're strong Amy. You are beautiful and I love you, John loves you and Brayleigh... she loves you!" After letting everything out, the things Ricky always kept for himself because it never was the right time to tell her this. She let out a gasp and tried to hide her watery looking eyes but failed. "Do you really think I'm strong?" She asked.

He nodded. "But I'm willing to wait. You deserve to be waited for." And with that he turned around and walked out of her room to let everything sink in.

She looked out of room 233's window. She watched the wind going through the trees. Her thoughts driving her insane. She felt guilty for not knowing she had Eclampsia. For not knowing something was wrong with her. And for not using her mother instinct when it came to her baby. On the other hand, she was happy she would be leaving this hospital tomorrow morning. Which was in 5 hours to be exactly. But she was also scared to leave without her baby. In normal circumstances a mom should leave the hospital with her newborn baby. Not without.

This felt so unnatural and wrong. She was afraid it would feel like she never had a baby. That empty feeling she carried with her these couple of days were getting worse by the second because nothing makes sense. Her mind was traveling to so many places, all at once.

Ricky telling her finally how he felt? Really? He could have told her so many times. So many chances he had. All those months he could have told her how he felt. But did he really thought his would be the right moment to get all sentimental? How could he expect her to be okay with what he had to say. She felt numb inside, no room for love at the moment. The only thing that mattered to her was her daughter. So many times she wished for him to really love her. To choose her above Clementine. To have a future with her. Wasn't it obvious when she ran away to New York. Or that time when she said 'yes.' To go on a date with her doctor. Wasn't it obvious she was trying to make him jealous. So many times she wished he would have been there for her since day one. Half of the times she cried herself to sleep and went through it alone. Him coming in here to tell her he loves her didn't make her feel like she had butterflies in her stomach again. It made her feel angry at him for telling her 'he loves her' this late.

The truth is... she has loved him since he had told her they could have a chance at a beautiful future together, that evening when they conceived Brayleigh. But now, she doesn't know... not anymore. And that's her truth.

"I really don't know." She thought.