Episode 39: oceans

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"So many choices, but just one chance."

Her heart started pounding 100 times faster than it was supposed to be. Everything seemed so unreal and it all felt so fragile.

This was just like a sand castle at the beach, when a child is trying to make a gigantic castle made out of sand, the feeling of being so proud of what the castle has become, but in a sudden the entire ocean; the ocean she knows, the ocean who's more powerful than some sand, wipes the castle away in just a blink of a second. And the beautiful creation the child has made disappears forever into the dark and cold sea.

This was exactly how it felt like.
Only, Amy was the sand castle and this whole situation was the ocean.

"Are you okay?" Ricky asked, unsure.
Amy nodded carefully.
She was laying in a very uncomfortable bed, she had tubes all around her and she was wearing some loose hospital clothes.
She was in the E.R, getting ready to have the baby.
Ricky stood right next to her, he was wearing scrubs, protective gloves and a surgical mask. If this situation wasn't awfully bad she would have thought he looked cute in the clothing doctor's usually wear. But this wasn't the place nor the time to smile or to even be happy.
You could see the fear in his eyes. And she had the exact same look.
They were looking at how doctors and nurses were making everything ready. How everyone was talking about how they were going to save their baby, about how they were going to save her!

"You'll be okay!" Ricky said, holding her hand.
Amy shook her head. "I don't know Ricky, i really don't know?"

A male doctor now stood in front of her, he was holding documents and had a very serious look engraved on his face. "Hello, my name is Doctor Zarb. And i will be delivering your baby today!"
Amy couldn't hear clearly. The moment she saw the doctor was the moment she felt like her ability to hear was taken from her. She felt so lost within her thoughts of knowing that this was a real thing, and having this baby, alive or not was going to happen!

She tried to take a deep breath and looked up. She tried to imagine a window above her. A window that somehow was a portal to another universe. A universe that showed her a different path. A different faith.

She looked at Doctor Zarb's expressionless face. She couldn't see the movement on his lips because a surgical mask was covering his face. She tried hard to look him in the eyes and understand his way of seeing things through the eyes of a doctor. But she couldn't... Because what this doctor was talking about and what he knew, meant nothing to her. Just looking him in the eyes showed her how empty his view of point was, and it most certainly seemed like he didn't care! She was just another patient for him, just another story to be told...

"... Where's doctor Narmino?" she suddenly heard Ricky ask.
Doctor Zarb sighed. "She told me she had a few problems with Ms Juergens. So she handed this case over to me!"
"This case?" Ricky asked, angrily. "What are we on a freaking crime scene?"
Doctor Zarb still had the same emotionless and serious look on his face. "I will be right back." Was the only thing he responded back.

"I don't want him to deliver or touch my baby!" Amy suddenly said.

"I don't think we have a choice, Amy!"

"I just want to get this over with!" She sighed.

"I know... me too."

Doctor Zarb came back in with his hands in the air, in order to prevent touching anything exposing.

"So, what's going to happen now?" Amy asked, confused.
"I don't know if Doctor Narmino had a chance to tell you but we are going to perform a C-section!"
"A C-section?" Ricky asked. "Is that the best option we have?"
Doctor Zarb nodded. "I understand the frustration in this room, and i also understand the fear you both must have? But we don't really have much of a choice, but to perform a C-section to try to save this baby's life!"

Amy nodded. "I understand, but i'm just scared, although i've already giving birth before this baby! I just hoped to have a natural delivery!"
"It's okay to be scared, but you have to suck it up to save your daughter!" Doctor Zarb responded with fiercely looking eyes.
He walked to a nurse and showed her some documents.
"So that's it?" Amy asked, while she looked at Ricky. "I just have to suck it up?"
Ricky held her hand even tighter and looked her in the eyes. "No matter what happens tonight, i will be right here and i'm not going anywhere!"

"I already feel like i'm failing as a mother to John, let alone this baby. And the worst part of this is that she's not even born yet but her life already is at stake!" She wiped her tears away.

Ricky leaned closer and gave her a warm kiss on her forehead. "You'll be okay!" He sighed. "She'll be okay!"

"Uhm... Mr. Underwood was it?" Doctor Zarb asked.
Ricky nodded.
"Can i ask you to leave this E.R? But don't worry, you can watch from behind the glass, we just need room!"
Ricky looked at Amy, he saw how hard she was struggling. How scared she looked. But he didn't had a choice to leave that room.
"I will be right there!" He said, pointing to a transparent looking glass.
Amy nodded. "Okay!" she said, insecure.

"Hi, i'm one of the nurses that's going to take care of you and your daughter. Are you ready to have this baby?" She asked.
Amy nodded. "I am!"
-

"Okay, we have here Amy Juergens. She's 18 years old. 7,8 months pregnant, she had the condition Pre-eclampsia but it had a chance to evolve into Eclampsia. Which we all know is life threatening! We'll be opening up her abdomen and we're going to remove the baby from her uterus because for this case a vaginal birth is too dangerous and too difficult."

Doctor Zarb looked at Amy. "We're going to put you to sleep now. Please count down from 100."

Amy listened to her doctor's voice. Before the mask could touch her face she wanted to make sure they understood.

"Get her out safely!" She demanded.
Doctor Zarb nodded. "We'll do everything we can!"

"No!" Amy shouted. "I didn't want to say this in front of Ricky or my mom... But get her out safely, even if it means there's a chance i'll die!"

Doctor Zarb nodded carefully.

"If you have to choose between her or me... Choose her!"

"We're not gonna let this come so far! We're going to save the both of you!" Doctor Zarb said, nodding his head.
"Mask?" He asked and looked at one of the nurses.

"Now, count down please?"

"100... 99... 98... 97... 9-6... 9..." Everything started to get blurry, she couldn't keep her eyes open. And then in just a blink of a second her eyes closed, and the big unknown she was about to face didn't seem so scary anymore.

~

Oh, we never learn
So we fall down again
Heaven, help me find a way to dream within this nightmare.

Cross the oceans in your mind
Find a way to blur the line
In the end you never can wash the blood from your hands

- Oceans
by evanescence

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