Things I Could Never Tell You

115, 116, 117

Text #115.

April 23, 12:30 pm.

Sometimes it feels like I put too much faith on things that I know won't happen. It's like I wait for something that I know it won't even occur.

Text #116.

April 24, 7:53 pm.

Today I was in the library once more reading some soppy and random novel due for Lit's class and then the same boy that looked like you showed up out of nowhere. He sat on my table and just started reading. I kept peeking at him through the corners of my eyes, so it didn't seem like I was examining him like he was some science experiment. I noticed that he kept looking at me every two minutes or so. That went on for a couple of minutes. Then, he put down his book and started staring at me. I started to get kind of bothered with it so I put my book down and started staring at each other. I wanted to laugh, but I didn't. And we stayed like that, until his phone kept buzzing in his pocket. He smiled at me, showing off his perfectly white teeth and got up from the chair so he could answer his phone. Kind of awkward, I know, lol.

Text #117.

April 25, 8:29 am.

Shit.
Holy shit.
Today I saw you both kissing. Today. In my front. Everything suddenly got blurry. Everything suddenly faded away. A strange sense of numbness took over my entire body. I couldn't stare at anything else and my breathing was tense. I tried to blink to remind me that this was really reality; that this was really happening, but I couldn't. I just stared at you doing the thing I've been wanting to do with you for a damn long while. There were no tears coming. None. It was just me, like I was shut down for some minutes. I was panicking. Slowly, I turned my back to you and walked away. There's nothing anymore and I was stupid enough to actually think that there stood the slightest of chances for us. For me and you.