A Thick Girls Tale

19. Stressed Out

I left out of the restroom a little upset with everything that's been going on. It's too much going on and now all I wanna do is cry but crying isn't gonna solve anything so I have to figure things out. First things first, to get my brothers to talk to me. I walk out of the bathroom and back to class. I finally get back to my seat and I see Jax and Drez having a conversation and Dre taking a nap. I guess I'll just talk to them at lunch. As I was taking down my notes before the last minutes of class I couldn't help but think about everything that has happened within the last few hours. With Ant, I like him and he's cute and I think that he's just a good friend and great company and he's someone that I can hopefully depend on and trust. And with Aiden, I've had feelings for him since the fourth grade and I still do like him but with all this extra stress that I'm putting on myself is not needed. The bell finally rung bringing me out of my thoughts. I know what I need to do to end all this shit but my pride is a motherfucker.

"If I was a boy, I can promise you I wouldn't be going through half of this shit right now," I said aloud. I already apologized to my brothers and I tried to talk to Aiden but if they don't wanna talk to me then oh the fuck well. They can have all that. I'm tired of having to be the bigger person when all that I've done is just keep to myself. Now all of a sudden people come out of the wood works trying to become apart of my life. That's why I'm so conflicted now. Aiden has known me for a long time because he's best friends with my brothers and we hang out with his family but he always acted like I was invisible and never not once said anything to me. Even when people were saying shit about me he would just stand there. Now he's claiming he has feelings for me and he wants to be with me so how can he be mad when I show that I'm a little hesitant? But with Ant ever since he came to the school, he has shown genuine interest in me and doesn't give a fuck about what anyone has to say about it either. He's confident in himself and isn't scared to say what the fuck he has to say. Even though I really do like Aiden, I don't think he's what I want at this point in my life. I don't wanna have to be uncertain in my feelings for someone, especially if I feel like there is an ulterior motive involved. I'm not gonna do that to him and I wouldn't want that done to me so I'm gonna fall all the way back. I think it's for the best. Time for me to start living for me and no one else.