The Mind of an Insecure Person

6. Cole

April 13th, 2008
3:23 p.m.

Dear diary,

Today I went to the mall to roam around and just have something to do, really. I went shopping for some more books to read. When I went into my favorite book store, there was this beautiful girl working there and she kept looking at me. I thought maybe she thought I was ugly, or maybe even looked weird. I didn't know why she was looking at me, but she was.

Instead of having a disgusted look on her face, though, she had this beautiful smile that was plastered on her face. She was so beautiful. Definitely not in my league, at all.

When I found the books I wanted, I went up to the cash register to pay for them. I was definitely nervous as hell.

"That will be $37.43, please." She gave me another one of her charming smiles and my heart started racing.

I handed her a fifty dollar bill with a shaky hand. She thanked me and quickly gave me my change. I grabbed the bag my books were in. I was feeling anxious and wanted to get out of here as soon as possible. I needed to get out of here.

"You go to Ridgeview High, don't you?" She said to me. I guess the expression on my face surprised her because she quickly pleaded that she also went to Ridgeview High and have seen me around.

"Oh, yeah. I do. Are you in my grade?" I ask her, trying to think if I've seen her, but I don't. I usually don't look for anyone in particular, so I guess I don't remember faces.

"Senior, right? I think we have English together. I'm usually always in the back of the classroom. 

Now that she mentions it, I think I do remember her. "I definitely do remember you now."

Her name is Candice. I remember because of how much Mrs. Rye would call on her.

She smiles at me and reaches her hand out. "Nice to finally meet you."

"Same goes to you." I smile at her and shake her hand.

Another customer made their way up to the counter and I waved good-bye to her. I started to make my way out of the bookstore until I heard Candice call out to me.

"Hey!" She called out to me and I froze in place. Maybe she isn't calling out to me. Maybe some other customer forgot their receipt or something. I should just keep going but I've already stopped.

Well, I already stopped, so I guess I should see what she wants.

I turn around and look at her, making sure it was me she was talking to. It was definitely me she was calling out for.

She jogs up to me and smiles. "I go on break in about five minutes, mind giving me some company while I'm on break? I don't really have anyone else to talk to, and you seem pretty cool." She gives me this innocent smile that melted my heart. How did she make flirting seem so easy?

I smiled and blushed a bit. "I don't mind at all." I said. "I'll just wait here for you."

"Thank you!" She said, excitedly.

I smiled in return. She is really excited to be around me. I don't understand it. I wouldn't want to be around me. Perfection and ugly don't really go well together. It's a weird combination that no one wants to see together.

When it was time for her break, she went to a Japanese place and ordered her favorite with a Cherry Pepsi. I ordered the same, which made her really happy. I paid for her lunch, in which she thanked me endlessly for.

When our order number was called, she grabbed the drinks and I carried the tray to the table.

"Thank you. You are so polite and such a gentlemen." She said as she smiled at me.

There she goes again with that beautiful smile. My heart is fluttering and my hands are shaky.

"Well, thank you." I blushed a little.

She was a beautiful girl. She has beautiful dirty blonde hair that cascades down her back. She has a beautiful glow to her. It's like a caramel brown color, with earth-green eyes. It's like you can get lost in them. Travel around the forest and find nothing but beautiful things. She also had this small body shape, and she was wearing a white dress that complimented her body very well.

Man, she was beautiful. Really fucking beautiful.

"So, I know this may sound weird," she said as she looked down at her food, "but I have this thought in my mind that you are a very guarded person. And also very shy. You seemed really scared to even talk to me back at the bookstore. I can tell that you have this wall built up high so no one can get past it." She just looked at me with curious eyes.

I was startled by her saying all of that. It took me a minute to process all of what she had just said. It took me a minute to finally get the words to come out of my mouth.

"I don't know what to say." I looked down at the table and got all shy. I can't believe she said all of that to me just now. How did she know that?

"First off, you shouldn't hate yourself. I used to be that way, too, but I got better. I found the beauty in myself and now I'm healthy." She gave me a reassuring smile that made me feel a little bit better about myself.

"How did you ever even consider yourself ugly?" I asked, startled. "You are freaking beautiful."

"And you are handsome." She says back. "Give yourself some credit."

I cracked a smile. She was wonderful.

As she took a drink, she said, "Say, it's about time I get back to work. Call me whenever you want so we can hang out again." She handed me a napkin that had her number on it. I just got a beautiful girls number. Oh. My. God

"I sure will." I say with a smile as big as the ocean.

She started walking back to the bookstore, and I just sat there for a minute, processing everything that just happened. Someone called me handsome. They knew all of my flaws and still thought I was this amazing guy. Is this a dream? I've never had that happen to me before.

When I got home, I went straight to my room, did my homework, and then laid down. I got my phone and put her number in.

Goodnight, beautiful :)

I hit send and set my phone down on the nightstand.

A second later, my phone vibrated.

Sweet dreams, love.

I smiled and set my phone back down.

For the first time in a while, I feel incredible about myself. Hopefully it stays this way.

Love always,

The broken image of a boy named Cole.