The Mind of an Insecure Person

Jessica

Dear diary,

When the morning came, I woke up, still scared of last nights dream.

I sat up in bed, stretching my arms in the air and yawning. I got out of bed and then went to shower. After my shower, I went downstairs to find something to eat. I choose to eat Fruity Pebbles. While I was eating, I started to feel sick to my stomach. I finished my cereal and while I was rinsing my bowl out, I felt like I was going to be sick. I ran up the stairs, straight to the bathroom. I had my head over the toilet, feeling the dizziness come to me. In that instant, I threw up. I sat there for a minute, in case I threw up again. I felt sick to my stomach and I felt really nauseous. I got up and walked to my bed and laid down. I got my cell phone and dialed Jonathan's number.

'Hello?' He answered.

'I feel nauseous. And I threw up.'

'Are you OK?!' he asked.

'I don't know what is wrong with me.'

'What if the dream was true..?' He said, leaving silence in the air.

'It can't be. It is just a dream.'

'I don't know, Jessica.'

We sat there for a minute in silence.

'Ill be over in a minute.'

'Okay.'

We hung up and I laid down, hoping I got better.

A little later, I heard the doorbell ring. I got up and walked down the stairs and went to the door. Jonathan was standing there.

"How ya feeling?" He asked me.

I hugged him. 'A bit better.'

"I brought you soup."

He handed me a container and then we walked into the kitchen. I started to eat the soup.

"Do you really think it could be true?" I asked him.

"It could be."

I sighed. "My parents will kill me."

"You can say that again." He sighed.

"What are we going to do?"

"I have no clue. First we have to see if it is true or not."

'Tomorrow we will go to the drug store and buy a pregnancy test.'

After I finished the soup, I washed out the container and set it on the counter.

He helped me up the stairs and tucked me in bed. He crawled right beside me and we laid down. We both fell asleep.

When we woke up, it was late at night.

"Shit!" He sat up in bed, looking around.

"What?" I asked.

"My parents will wonder where I'm at."

"Call and tell them you are with me. Say we fell asleep and that you are just going to stay here."

He pulls his cell out and calls them. When he hangs up, he sets his phone on the bed.

"They said it is alright."

"Good."

He kissed me and I kissed him back.

As much as I'm scared to know if I'm pregnant, I wouldn't mind him being the father of my baby. I love Jonathan so much, more than I loved anyone. Even myself. Which is scary, but worth it. It's like a high or even a joy ride. It's a feeling you get when you are so happy about something that you can feel your heart beating so happily. You smile constantly and you are just so happy. It's love, whether people say I'm still young, I know it is love.

That night, we cuddled in bed and just looked in one another's eyes. No words, just silence. We communicated in love. A love so strong it could break a barrier.

Love always,

Jessica Knot, the girl with a dysfunctional mind.

~Authors note~

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