The Mind of an Insecure Person

Jessica

Dear diary,

That morning, we woke up early to pack our things cause our week vacation was already up. I must say that I had an amazing time with him and he told me he loved every second being with me.

When we made love, it was magical and romantic. The kind of romance you read in a novel or see on TV or in a movie. I don't regret letting him be my first and I don't think I'll ever regret it. They say wait until you find the one you will love forever, even if you end up being with someone else. I love him and I know we will be together for a long, long time. Even if I meet someone else, the one I marry, I won't regret letting Jonathan have it.

When we got on the plane, I looked at him and gave him a kiss.

When we landed, his parents were there to pick us up.

"Did y'all have a fun time?" His mom asked.

"Yes!" We said in a perfect harmony.

"Good, good. Now lets go grab some supper."

We went to his house and his mother finished making chili and corn bread. It was quite delicious. When we were done eating, Jonathan drove me home.

"I hope you enjoyed dinner." He said, smiling at me.

"I did. It was delicious."

We kissed passionately for a minute.

"Goodnight." He said to me.

"Goodnight."

I got out the car and walked up the stairs. I looked behind me and waved goodbye. He smiled at me and I went inside. Everyone was sleeping in my house when I got there, so I walked up to my room and laid down. It was hard to sleep 'cause I've been sleeping with Jonathan for a week, but I had to try to sleep on my own now. I thought about all the things that happened and all the fun we had. I smiled and fell asleep.

That night, I had a dream. Well, it felt like a dream, but it could be a nightmare. I guess it is whatever way you look at it.

The dream was about me and Jonathan. We were sitting on a porch swing and he had his head in his hands.

'My parents are going to kill me.'

'Not if you don't tell them. They will never find out till time comes.'

He shook his head. 'They will murder me for never telling them.'

'Ill act like I never told you till it was close to time.'

At that, I say up in bed and gasped for air. Thank God it was only a dream. I put my hand against my heart and felt it beating like a drum. It was going crazy. I had a dream that felt real. Have you ever had a dream that felt so surreal that you know someday it will become true? Well, that's the dream I just had.

I grabbed my phone from the bed side table and called Jonathan.

'Hello.' He said, quietly with his morning voice. It sounded so sexy.

'I just had a so surreal dream.'

'It's alright, babe. Nothing's going to happen.'

'That's the problem. I feel like it is.'

I told him the whole dream and he was quiet for a second.

'Do you think. . . .'

I knew exactly was he was talking about. 'Yes,' said, 'it could come true.'

He didn't know what to say. He sat on the phone, quietly.

This dream scared us both and we had to make sure it wasn't true. In a couple weeks, we will have to see.

We hung up the phone and I laid back down, trying to go back to sleep. Even though I couldn't stop thinking about the dream.

Love always,

Jessica Knot, the girl with a dysfunctional mind.