The Mind of an Insecure Person

Jessica

Dear diary,

Today is the day that I take a pregnancy test to see if I'm pregnant or not. I'm scared shitless to find out if I am or not, but I have to do it to stop all the worrying.

When I entered the local pharmacy store doors, my heart began to pound against my chest. I walked over to the aisle that had the pregnancy tests and grabbed three. Just to make sure they are all accurate. I walked up the cash register and set them on the counter, looking back and forth, being all nervous.

"Is this all?" The man said to me.

"Y-yeah." I stuttered a bit.

"It will be $6.95 all together."

I handed him the exact change and he gave me the bag. I rushed out the door, went to the car which Jonathan was waiting in.

"Got 'em?" He asked me.

"Yeah, I'm nervous."

"You're not the only one."

When we got to my house, I rushed up to my bedroom and took them out. I then walked over to the bathroom to get started. I peed on all three of them and then walked out, waiting for time to come.

I walked over to Jonathan and buried my head in his chest. "What are we going to do if it is true?"

"We will figure something out, babe."

When the time came, I went and grabbed the pregnancy tests. I looked away, scared to know.

"Come on." Jonathan said.

"I'm scared."

"We will look together, alright?" He said to me.

"Alright."

"Three, two. . . . . . One."

We both looked at the pregnancy tests. Each one said PREGNANT. I dropped them on the floor and dropped to the ground, crying. "This can't be happening."

Jonathan held me in comfort, letting my head be buried in his chest and letting my tears soak up his shirt.

"It will be alright." He said to me, rubbing my back.

"My parents are going to kill me."

"You never know."

I look up at him. "Pregnant at seventeen. Yeah, they wouldn't kill me."

In that moment, I heard the front door open and my parents calling out.

"Jessica?"

I picked up the tests and buried them in the trash. I wiped my face of all the tears, straightening myself up. "Coming."

Jonathan and I walked down the stairs together. My mom and dad were in the kitchen, putting away the groceries. My mom looked at me and frowned.

"What's wrong?"

"Uh," I said, "nothing."

"Now, I know better than that. Tell me. I won't be mad."

I burst in tears. "Mom, I'm so sorry."

She came over and hugged me. "Tell me what it is, sweety."

I looked at Jonathan and he nodded. He then whispers the words 'together' to me. I stood up by Jonathan's side and looked right at them.

"There is something we have to tell you."

My parents looked scared. "Okay."

"Well, I'm, um, pregnant."

My parents were quiet for a minute and just stood there, frozen.

"How are you so sure?" My mom spoke up.

"I took three pregnancy tests. They all said the same thing."

"Well, we can't be mad." My dad said.

"Wh-what?" I stuttered.

"Your mom was pregnant with you at sixteen. It was rough for her to tell her parents. She didn't tell them until she started showing."

I was shocked. I never knew that.

"We are going to support you both. No matter what happens."

"Thank you." I sighed a sigh of relief.

Jonathan and I walked out the kitchen and back up the stairs. After all this, I need a quick nap.

"I'm tired." I said, looking at him.

"Sleep, I'll sleep with you." He kissed my cheek.

"But we have school tomorrow and your parents will worry."

"I'll tell them and I still have extra clothes here. I'm fine." He smiled.

I smiled back at him and then laid down on my bed, Jonathan laid down beside me and we both fell asleep.

When I woke up, I could hear my parents talking.

"We have to tell her sooner or later." My mom said.

"It will hurt her because we never told her sooner."

"Jack, we have to tell her. She deserves to know."

I got out of bed and walked over to their bedroom door.

"Hey, sweety." My parents said in unison.

"I heard you guys talking. What do you need to tell me." I itched my eye.

"Come sit." My mom patted the bed. I walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge of the bed, looking directly at them.

"There is something you don't know."

"Okay." I said, looking confused.

"You have a brother." My mom said.

"No I don't." I replied back.

"You do. You see, Jack isn't your real father. Your real fathers name is Bill."

"Who's my brother?" I asked.

"His name is," she said, stopping for a minute, wondering to herself if she should say it or not, "his name is Cole. Your brothers name is Cole."

I sat there with a surprised grin on my face. And in that moment, my whole life changed.

Love always,

Jessica Knot, the girl with a dysfunctional mind.