The Mind of an Insecure Person

Jessica

Dear diary,

It is so close to Jonathan and I's wedding date. Just a week away and secretly, I'm terrified.

I didn't know that my life would go in this turn, but I'm alright with it. I love the life I have.

People will think that Jonathan and I are rushing things too soon, but we aren't. This is what we want and we don't want to wait any longer. This is love that we got and when you find love, you should never let it go.

We would have Nevaeh be the flower girl, but of course, she is too young and can't even walk yet. So, we choose to have his niece, Desirae, be the flower girl.

He chose some friends to be the best man, even my brother. I chose some of my close friends also. We also had a problem of who will be walking me down the aisle, but my step dad said he would let my Dad do it.

Nevaeh is currently sitting on her butt in the living room, playing with her toy keys. She is slamming the keys down on the floor and making little sounds with it. I'm sitting on the couch writing this, obviously.

Jonathan has been busy working lately and he hasn't been able to see Nevaeh as much as he wants too. When he did have his day off the other day, he visited us but also had to go and get his tuxedo and do whatever else he had to do for the wedding.

Back to the wedding, It is going to be held in the near church in our town and I think it is going to be beautiful, magical, and wonderful. This is once in a lifetime.

I want this to be my only marriage.

Everyone in the family is invited, also friends and others from school are also invited. There is going to be approximately one hundred and so people there.

Nevaeh starts fussing so I grab her and begin to rock her in the chair, seeing what is wrong with her. I pull her shirt up and blow a raspberry on her stomach and she giggles. She begings to bounce up and down on my legs and smile. I look at her, smile, and shake my face. She smiles at me. I pull her towards me and kiss her. "I love you," I say.

I set her down on the floor and give her the bottle. She is now able to hold a bottle by herself. Honestly, she is growing up so fast, it's crazy.

Next week I will officially be married. It is crazy just thinking that.

So many things are crazy as I think about it. Just not long ago, I was this girl with cuts on her wrist, wearing baggy clothing to hide my body and shy. I was this girl who didn't think anyone loved me and I didn't think anything good will every happen.

I was this insecure girl and my mind ran crazy. I always thought so negative, but now it is different. I love life and everything that has happened. I am blessed with Jonathan and Nevaeh and I will never change anything. Life is perfect.

Love always,

Jessica Knot, the girl with a dysfunctional mind.

{ AUTHORS NOTE}

I want to take a minute to thank each and every person who is reading this.

I want to thank everyone who was here since the beginning with this story, because without you guys, it would not be this far.

You guys have given me so much amazing feedback and you guys kept voting and it is so close to 3K! That is seriously crazy!

I love all of you. Don't forget to vote for this story, add it to your library, and share it. Let others enjoy Jessica and Cole as much as I do and you too.

Always remember; things get better. You are all beautiful.

xoxo, Chris. :)