The Concept is Simple (Sequel to You're Crazy)

Chapter 28

The blinds we still drawn and even though it was 9am, I had no inclination at all to get up anytime soon. Nathan had fallen asleep on his front with his arm flopping over the top of me. He looked very cute so I snuggled up to him, closing my eyes and smiling without any particular reason. I was glad to have a moment to just let myself feel all the feelings that have been building up inside me for the past few days. 

Because in this moment I was the closest to blissfully happy as it was realistically possible to ever be. My interview with Papertown records went really well yesterday and tomorrow Nathan was taking me on our honeymoon to Australia. Yep, that's right, Australia. But there was one thing I needed to straighten out with Nathan before we left so it wouldn't be nagging at the back of my mind. 

And that was: I needed to tell Nathan I didn't want to have kids, not anytime soon anyways. 

I'd been thinking about it for the last few days and I'd sort of come to my decision. I figured it wasn't worth panicking over anymore and I might as well be honest with him. Or that's the conclusion Sasha and I had arrived at yesterday while me mulled it over in Pizza Express. My reasoning was this - 

I'd never wanted kids, this much I'd always known. And now I had Archie - my flesh and blood brother, who had my own eyes -  I had a family, my search for a biological family was over. I didn't need a little Nathan anymore. I had my very own grown up Nathan who loved me. That's all I really need now. Unfortunately my grown up Nathan wanted kids. He'd told me that much - he said he wanted kids to be his 'legacy'. 

As I lay in bed thinking all these things, I knew I needed to tell him them now, before I lost my courage. 

"Nathan," I nudged him slightly, then leaned in to kiss his cheek "Nath! I need to tell you something." He mumbled sleepily and popped open one eye. 

"Morning!" He chuckled and rolled over on to his back, allowing me to sit. "What's up?"

"I - uh," I glanced at him "I don't want to have children." 

Nathan looked shocked, then he sat upright too, his green eyes swivelling between my own. What was the thinking? Was he disappointed? His expression gave nothing away. Then he shrugged. "Okay." 

"What?" I asked, completely confused.

"I got the feeling that you didn't. And that's fine with me." He smiled at me. "I don't know if you've noticed this yet, but I'm sort of in love with you." I began to laugh, but I felt worried that tears weren't far behind. God, I was getting emotional in my old age. 

"But Nath, what about you're 'legacy'?" I whispered. 

"My what?" Nathan laughed in surprise. 

"You said you wanted kids as your legacy the first time I took you to France with me." 

"Oh my god," He said, suddenly quite serious "I'd forgotten that. Has this been bothering you?" I shrugged and Nathan moaned into his hands before he looked back up at me. "I said that when I was 18 and trying to impress my really hot girlfriend by sounding all deep and philosophical. I had no idea what I wanted. And right now, I know a kid is not that. I'm too selfish to share you." 

I leaned forward to hug him and he squeezed me lightly. Just as he was dipping his head down to kiss me, the door to our room flew open. 

"Well look at you guys!" Max yelled from the doorway. Nathan and I shot apart from each other with red faces. I saw Nathan tug a t-shirt over his head from the corner of my eye to cover his bare torso. 

"Actually, I'd appreciate it if you didn't." I teased Max, getting up and leading him out the room downstairs to the kitchen. "Maybe we should retract your spare key." I considered.