The Fan

Chapter 36

Mayleen's POV

I woke up cold. Cold and lonely. I wanted to be alone so I kept the door locked all night.

When I pulled the covers off me I saw the disgusting body that I have somehow lived in for 21 years.

I rolled out of the bed and dragged myself to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth and washed my face. My body didn't hurt as much anymore, but I still took some pain meds, to help with all my other pain.

I sat back on the bed and just rubbed my face. Sitting and thinking is my new thing. The time was 10:23am so everyone should have been up by now, I just can't go out there. I look to the side where Rocky would have slept and I see his guitar, I guess I didn't see it till now.

I grabbed his guitar and a pick from the bedside table.

I started randomly strumming until I came up with a beat that matched a song. "Gasoline," by Halsey is my life right now. I wish that one day, everything will be normal, but for now I run on gasoline.

"Are you insane like me? Been in pain like me?
Bought a hundred dollar bottle of champagne like me?
Just to pour that motherfucker down the drain like me?
Would you use your water bill to dry the stain like me?

Are you high enough without the Mary Jane like me?
Do you tear yourself apart to entertain like me?
Do the people whisper 'bout you on the train like me?
Saying that you shouldn't waste your pretty face like me?

And all the people say,

"You can't wake up, this is not a dream,
You're part of a machine, you are not a human being,
With your face all made up, living on a screen,
Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline."

Oh, oh, oh, oh,
I think there's a fault in my code,
Oh, oh, oh, oh,
These voices won't leave me alone,

Well my heart is gold, and my hands are cold,

Are you deranged like me? Are you strange like me?
Lighting matches just to swallow up the flame like me?
Do you call yourself a fucking hurricane like me?
Pointing fingers cause you'll never take the blame like me?

And all the people say,

"You can't wake up, this is not a dream,
You're part of a machine, you are not a human being,
With your face all made up, living on a screen,
Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline."

Oh, oh, oh, oh,
I think there's a fault in my code,
Oh, oh, oh, oh,
These voices won't leave me alone,

Well my heart is gold, and my hands are cold."

I sang the song and put the guitar down. I am a fucking hurricane for sure. I got up from the bed and put on my slippers and my sweater on. Today I had to face the rest of my life.

The door creaked softly as I opened it. I heard the murmurs of everyone downstairs. They were all probably talking about what happened yesterday and how weak I was.

My feet met the top of the stairs, then one by one they went down the stairs with a soft pat, pat, pat.

I saw Rocky sitting on the couch, he looked sad but was laughing at whatever they were talking about. Once they saw me, they all stopped talking.

"What?" I asked. I didn't want to seem weak in front of them, "Don't stare at me, just because I lost a fucking baby."

"Oh, Mayleen, we weren't-" I cut off Ross.

"Save it, I don't need this bullshit right now," I said and ran back up the stairs. I heard someone get up and follow.

"Mayleen, wait," it was Rocky. I went into the room and closed the door and sat on the bed, crying. The door opened, closed, and was locked. I felt Rocky sitting next to me, "Mayleen, what was that?"

"What was what?" I ask, pretending to be strong.

"Don't act dumb with me Mayleen. What's wrong with you?" He asked, his voice slightly rising.

"You want to know what's wrong with me?" I ask, standing up. He nodded and I let out a frustrated sigh, "I lost a fucking baby Rocky. Not just any baby, our baby. And why? Because I'm fucking weak. I couldn't handle a baby growing inside of me! I was too weak! That's all I think. Weak! That's all I fucking am. You wouldn't understand!"

"I wouldn't," He answered, his voice at the same tone. But as he spoke again, his voice raised louder than mine, "I wouldn't understand how you feel. I'm not the one that had a baby growing inside of me. However, I was the fucking father of that baby." He stood up. "I was so happy for that little baby. We were going to be a family. Mayleen, you aren't the only one that lost something, you aren't the only one that hurts. I LOST MY BABY, TOO! Okay? You aren't the only one that's depressed right now."

"You think depressed is the right word for how I feel?" I ask, "I feel fucking broken."

I break down and start crying. That's all I am, weak and broken.

"May-" I cut him off.

"Save it. Just save it. I'm done right now. I am. Here," I said, pulling off my ring and giving it to him, "I can't do this now."

"Mayleen, what are you doing?" Rocky asked, his tone changed to sound like he actually cared.

"I lost the baby, so why not just lose you next. I know I already will," I say, "All I was, all I am, all I'm ever going to be is just a fan. The Fan. The crazy fan that got you to call her. The fan that thought she could actually date, marry, her favorite person from her favorite band. Nothing ever goes good for me. I don't know why I thought things would go good for me."

I sat down on the bed and put my head in my hands, crying. His arm wrapped around my shoulders and he pulled my hands from my face.

"Mayleen," Rocky says, softly, "We can't lose each other now. This is the time we need each other the most. If we get through this, together, it will make us stronger. Mayleen, you will always be more than a fan to me. I love you. I will love you forever, so don't think you can leave me yet."

"When did you become so smart?" I ask, laughing.

"Since I really understood life," he answers.

"Help me," I beg.

"Of course, but first, you need to be by my side," he smiles. He grabs my left hand and puts the ring on, "We promised on love."

"Love," I smiled. I pulled him to me and smashed my lips against his. After a few seconds I pulled away, "I love you so much."

"I love you too Mayleen, forever and always," He smiles back.

A/N Hey Guys, just so you know, and you don't get confused, this is Not the last chapter. In case there was confusion, I wanted to let you know.

Please vote and comment and read on!

Bye!!! - @BookDoOver17 aka Samantha