The Tattooed Prince 2

47.

He stepped aside and watched me get in the car. I wasn't walking out on him. Leaving Sebastian is not that simple, the news took me by surpirse and he expects me to pretend like it didn't hurt to find out about his lost son. I pressed on the gas pedal and exited the palace. I had no idea where I was going, but anywhere that wasn't the palace was better than staying there. From my mirror Sebastian was looking at me with a frown upon his lips. Turning at the corner of the street, I stopped the car and broke down in sobs.

Sebastian has a son, a living son, a child he has been yearning for months now. And the son he has isn't mine. I can't bring him any happiness. A car pulled behind me and quickly I wiped the tears away from my face and kept going down on the road. I drove around the city for a few hours, until I found myself in the private cemetery we had buried our baby. I picked up the fresh flowers on the tombstone, noticing the small bell wrapped around the flowers stem. Sebastian had recently been here, after the baby's funeral he always came by every month and dropped off flowers with a bell wrapped around the flowers. I've never asked why he leaves a bell behind, maybe it's his way to cope with the loss.

Unlike Sebastian I can't come here a lot, I know I should, but I feel like coming here is like pouring salts on wounds trying to heal. I love my baby and I would trade my own life to have them alive, but it breaks my heart realizing how ignorant I was as a teen. I dropped to my knees, placing the flowers back on the tombstone, I pressed my fingers over the engravement.

I buried my face in my hands crying, the pain in my chest doesn't go away. All I ever think about is the baby and how I let the baby die in my hands. I can't change the past but I would do anything to have another chance at becoming a mother. I sat on the grass just staring at the tombstone, contemplating everything. The sun had creeped on me and I was reclining on the tombstone, resting for a bit. This was the longest I had stayed here, the only time I had refused to leave the cemetery was when we buried the baby. Sebastian had to carry me away.

"I promise I will visit you more." I whispered. Picking myself up from the ground, I stared at the grave one last time. My mind wasn't cleared at all, but my heart ached less.

I do the most stupidest things when I am upset, leaving Sebastian wasn't the best idea, but I didn't know what else to do. I knew I needed fresh air and time away from him to get my mind cleared, instead of calming myself down I might have made myself feel worse. Although the ache in my heart was less than yesterday, the hopelessness was greater than yesterday. I can't be as supportive as I need to be as his wife. If I am, my heart will break in the process.

I can accept Ian will be recognize as his son and I can stand by his side when he tells the Royal Counsel, but I refuse to be part of the child's' life. I refuse to let him come between Sebastian and I dreams of becoming parents. I sounded like the evil stepmother, despising a child I knew nothing about.

Returning to the palace, I found Sebastian sitting on the staircase. He was still in last nights clothes. He looked like he hadn't slept at all. Closing the door behind me, he looks up from the ground meeting my gaze. We stared at each other in silence waiting for someone to speak up first.

"Ian won't replace the child we lost." He whispered, deciding to speak up first. "I am not asking you to take him in as your own son because I don't know what's going to happen, all I know is I need you." He looked away from me, rubbing his hands together he sighed.

I didn't say anything.

"But if you can't stand by me, I won't be mad either."

I had a lot to say to him, but my mouth didn't open. I stood there watching him shift around the stair step, fighting himself from breaking down on me.