The Tattooed Prince 2

73.

The purpose of my birth was to continue to have a Cortez ruling Spain. Whether it was Esther becoming King or I, it was all our existence consisted of. We were never given a choice to be anything else than a royal. Esther used to say it was a curse to be a Royal—we could never be normal. When his parents died, I sense a liberation from him. He was the wild one and his own parents knew this lifestyle wasn't meant for him. Without his parents holding him here Esther found it easier rebelling and getting kicked out of the palace. He stepped down his title to be the next King and handed it over to me. Suddenly, my uprising had to revolve around being the next heir.

It became a overwhelming pressure no one could make it disappear. I grew this fear of disappointing my parents and everyone around me. I wanted to be the best King Spain had, yet I feel as if all my hard work doesn't matter. I failed. I must have lost my purpose along the way and never bothered to look back. The mess I left behind was always going to follow me and I didn't have an idea about it because I had someone cleaning the destruction I left behind.

I hadn't just spiraled into a hole of destruction—I am the destruction. I can't keep anything pure in my life without tearing it apart. I couldn't keep my own heart safe from my own mistakes.

"When did you jump off the window?" Dr. Oaklen asked me. I snapped out of my thoughts to look up at her. Dr. Oaklen sessions began to grow on me with time. Although, she forces me to scratch through the surfaces of thick layer of skin I have buried all my troubles with, she has a never ending patience.

For the last two weeks she's been trying to get me to talk about the tattoos I have around my body and the thick layer hiding underneath it. Each time I tell her I am not ready to talk about it, but today, I woke up with the aching pain in my chest. I'm blaming myself for my own mistakes or it might be me taking the consequences of my actions.

"It was a few months after Esther's parents died. Esther and I spiraled into a depression and it seemed to hit us as hard as anyone around. They were his parents and they seemed to be mine too, rather than the two individuals that made me." I looked away from her to my hands. "I didn't understand why they were taken away and my parents kept bringing up the possibility of getting first seat to the throne after they found out Esther wanted to resign. It was a lot for me to handle yet this was what I was suppose to be prepared for. No one ever asked me how I was feeling or if I was ready to take on a responsibility that big."

As much as I want to say Officer Ron, my parents, or grandmother asked how I was taking the death of my aunt and uncle, they didn't. It could be I made it obvious how badly I was taking it. Esther pushed himself away from everyone and we couldn't get any words out of him, so we never talked about it.

"One night Esther and I snapped, I don't even remember why we started fighting. I don't know what got into me, I guess at the time it seemed like the rational thing to do. It seemed like my only way out. I rammed us both out the thick window. The crash through the window cut us all around, by some grace we landed on the rose garden, instead of the concrete." I explained to her.

I didn't realize what I had done until we were falling. It was over in seconds but in my head our fight, fall, and impact took minutes. It wasn't until I was in the ground unable to move, it dawned how stupid I was to have done what I did. I wasn't sure what I was trying to stop, I didn't want to die. I couldn't cope with the anger and sadness within me, my brain rationalized the best thing was to throw us both out.

"Doctors told my parents it was a miracle Esther and I survived. He received a deep cut on his chest area and I received the rest of the impact. Over 500 stitches. I didn't forgive myself for what I did to Esther or I, so I covered them up with tattoos, what a better reminder than covering up what you hate most about yourself?"

"You couldn't find a way to cope with their loss and your parents should have been there for you. What you did was wrong Sebastian, but you were a teenager trying to sort out all these mix feelings. What those tattoos hide doesn't make who you are."

"They say who I have been and I can't accept that. I want too, but I can't. Every time I run my hands through my body and feel what's underneath I feel sick." I cringed.

"You have to forgive yourself." She responded firmly.

"I want Esther to forgive me for what I did to him." My voice cracked.

"Did he say something otherwise to implicate he hasn't forgiven you?" She asked me.

After the incident, I apologized millions of times. Each time Esther forgave me but teenage me didn't believe him. I left him a visible scar of a time so dark for the both of us. How could he forgive me so easily?

I shook my head. "He forgave me..."

"Maybe it's time for you to forgive yourself too. I'm certain once you do, you'll be able to breathe a bit easier." She assured me.

"You know, besides drinking, getting tattoos was my coping too. Every time I felt angry or stress, I added lines along my body."

I stared at the lines creeping through my long sleeve, I stopped the tattoos to my wrist but my arms were filled with tattoos. I had parts around my body which weren't covered but there wasn't much skin exposed.

"I think today you should tell yourself, "I forgive you." Over and over again until you believe it. Until you can breathe easy"

"Okay...then what?"

"We find you a new way to cope." She said. I look up to meet her gaze and small smile was on her face.

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I'm sorry for my long absence but I'll update with each inspiration I get :) comment down below your thoughts!

Thank you so much for your patience!!